I am currently living with this wonderful intelligent girl, But she has Bi-polar.
Lately she has been having rages and lashing out at me. Which has upset me.
As well as she has made comments about suicide. We live in a house full of people but i am the one that she lashes out at. people say its cause I am the only one that’s close to her. I have considered going to her psychologist anonymously and asking that they call her up and tell her to come in for a “check up”.
She drinks up to 5 red bulls a day, Coffee, has her Medications, Smokes weed and drinks beer after work.
I know that this is most definitely not helping the situation..seeming these are all artificial uppers and downers.
The first time she lashed out at me is because she said “its ok to be an alcoholic and to have addictions” because her parents did…and that she cant help it cause its genetics. I said (without realizing) “you cant say that, its up to you to make the change”. And well that small comment got escalated and I received a nasty reply.
The second time got triggered off by a discussion of a cleaning roster. During this one i got accused of calling her “a drug addict, alcoholic, fat and ugly” then I got called ” a messy pig (I’m the only one who cleans), a bitch, negative, ignorant etc” (I found those comments hard to deal with cause I’m exactly opposite to that). the second time was the worse i could see the devil in her eyes.
I received a email reply from her the next day apologizing and saying that shes going through a rough patch. In my response i said “i can see that you aren’t doing to well, thank you for the apology because it did upset me”.
Since then she hasn’t spoken to me much i have seen her starting to tick over ready to lash out again. I have kept my distance.
I just don’t know what to do or how to handle these kind of situations. I would appreciate any advice you can give me on what i should or shouldn’t do.
Wow, I can only imagine how difficult that is. It is true that bipolars usually lash out at the ones they are closest to. It’s almost like we feel safer lashing out to someone we know who cares about us because there isn’t so much threat of them leaving, or in some they do it because they want to push you away, afraid of having a close relationship to others.
You are correct, alcohol and drugs are NOT good for bipolar. (Though some might argue that weed is helpful for anxiety) Alcohol usually reacts poorly with the medications as well as triggers manic and depressive episodes. Personally I think that the comment about it being ok to be an addict is a cop out. She’s just making excuses and trying to make her actions acceptable, but they aren’t.
I know it is difficult dealing with her rages/lashing out. And I’m sure it’s very hurtful, I know I wouldn’t deal with it well. However, I’m almost positive she means it when she apologizes. Bipolars tend to lose all reasoning and rational thinking when they get set off. Impulse takes over and it’s almost impossible to stop it. Does she mean what she says? At the time she’s saying it, probably. But after she thinks about it once she’s calmed down, if she’s anything like me, she lives in a world of regret over it. You have openly admitted that she hurt you and she’s probably not sure what to do about it.
I’m not in any way ok’ing her behavior, because none of it is ok. She’s an adult and she knows what she’s doing is wrong, regardless of whether or not she admits it. Unfortunately, there is no magic way to convince her to get help. And I know how much that sucks. I have a friend who stopped talking to ALL her friends for the past 3 years because she’s so stuck in a depression hole. I feel helpless because I have no idea how to help. So as much as I wish I had the answer to that question, I don’t 🙁
I don’t necessarily think it would be a horrible idea to contact her PDoc, especially if she is mentioning suicide. That is not something to be taken lightly.
We did a post about 72 hour holds recently (click here). The details vary by state, but you may want to look into it and suggest it to her doctor if you do decide to speak with them. And also, you may want to contact the suicide help line (links and numbers below). They will probably have more answers for you, as they deal with that kind of thing daily.
Best of luck to you. If you ever need to talk or have any more questions please don’t hesitate to ask!!! I wish I could have been of more help here, but it’s such a difficult situation to be in.
If you are thinking about harming yourself, or know someone who is, we advise you to get help immediately.
You can get help by doing one of the following:
- Call your doctor.
- Call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room to get immediate help or ask a friend or family member to help you do these things.
- Call the toll-free, 24-hour hot line of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK
- 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) to talk to a trained counselor.