What was the incident that Finally caused you to lose control?

What made me lose control?

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Hmm… Which time??? Lol

I can’t pinpoint any one thing, but I will tell you a few things that usually make me lose control and send me into the hospital or end up with a serious, self-inflicted injury… I guess you could say I go into these major downward spirals… I start to get really stressed out by life in general-even the little things can set me off… Fighting is a big one… Whether it be between me and another person, or between other people, I simply can’t stand it!!! I’m not too sure why, it could be because of some things that happened in my past, or it could just be that I get really scared… Who knows…

I’ll start lying to everyone, including my therapy team, and tell them all that I’m perfectly fine, that everything is going peachy-keen… I don’t want them to know how bad I am at that moment… That just makes things worse, because I don’t like lying to people about my condition, and because I don’t have their support… But I do talk to other people, so it’s ok…

Then, I start to hurt myself more and more, bit by bit… It just gets worse and worse until it’s to the point that I’m going to the hospital every other week for stitches or something…

That’s when the suicidal thoughts begin… I formulate plans and decide exactly when I’ll do it, how I’ll do it, etc… Sometimes I’ll scare myself enough that I admit myself into the hospital, other times I just stuff it down and try not to think about it, and there have been those times when I have actually tried to kill myself… Those were bad times…

But like I said, I can’t really pinpoint any one thing that leads me to this devastating low in life… It’s just a culmination of stress that I put on myself, stress that others put on me, and my BP going south…

I can tell you what’s causing me to lose control right now… I am getting ready to move, which is a huge step… I’m really scared about that, but deep down, I know I have to do it (especially since I can’t stay where I’m at right now…)

There’s also the stress of going off my psych meds… I want to go off them, because I am curious as to what I will be like when I’m off them, but it’s scary at the same time because I have no idea… Also, all my medical doctors are telling me I need to get off them for a bit because I have so many physical conditions, which is another huge stressor…

I’ve been fighting a lot with family, and I have been lying a lot to my therapy team… I have a few supports, but I don’t like complaining to people all the time, so usually I keep it shut in, and start to hurt myself physically to let it all out…

That’s just a sampling of what goes on with me… I mainly lose control in my depressed states, although I have been known to go overboard in my manic states as well… Of course, this is just my experience… Every person has different triggers and different things that send them over the edge… Most people have lost control multiple times, and for multiple reasons…

Sorry I couldn’t be more specific or anything… But I really hope this helped at least a little…

One thought on “What was the incident that Finally caused you to lose control?

  1. For my daughter, what finally got her hospitalized was an episode of acute psychotic mania, where she was wandering the neighborhood ALL night, telling people she could fly and was going to show them. Watching it was very frightening, watching someone lose touch with reality is terrifying. She probably should have been hospitalized earlier for depression (her symptoms first presented as depression) and suicidal thoughts, but it was mania that sent her to the hospital. She has been hospitalized twice for mania, once for mixed state (that’s even more terrifying than mania) and once for depression.

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