What to do with a Bipolar Ex

Last year, i met this beautiful woman when I was with my past company. First date we had, she confessed that she has a bipolar disorder. Saw cut marks on her wrists also. She also broke up with her boyfriend for almost 3 years. She was 22 back then and I was 29. We met January 2011, and became my girlfriend on the same month. On April 2011, we decided to move in together. We got a condo and it was both our first time to live with someone. Things went great but on my end, I was having issues with my job back then and it caused for us to be out of budget. We struggled for the next few months until 1 day on November, she came home, confessed that she slept with her ex, and she doesn’t want our relationship anymore. One thing you have to know about her ex is he is younger than her by 1 year, but he’s from a very well off family, with no money worries. I’m not that extravagant and I know that I could hold ground. Anyway I lost my job also October 2011, then after a month she broke up with me. After we broke up, we still continued to see each other regularly in the next few months, up till January 2012. Then I finally decided not to pursue her anymore. The reason she broke up with me is that she got suffocated by our relationship when we were living together. She got tired of being the “strong” one. She didn’t get back with her ex but I know they are still seeing each other. I stayed with no contact from February up till now, changed numbers and blocked her on Facebook. I tried focusing on other things. Got a job last month and its a home based job and I’m currently happy with it. Also I reconnected with long lost friends and also tried dating other women. Just found out that it was just a waste of time. I really love this woman. We spent Christmas together and even new year, when she was alone. She actually lives alone and I’m scared of the thought that she’s alone. She’s now seeing a psychiatrist regularly. I just found out earlier when she asked for my number from a friend. And also she’s having trouble with her job and she wants to quit also. I don’t know what to do with her. Should I stay connected still? or make a move? she’s very manipulative and wont even try to ask from help from anyone. I don’t know what kind of help I could provide. I want her to get better also and I respect her decision to be alone. Also my birthday is coming up by April. I don’t know what will happen. Best thing I could do for myself is to be better than the guy she was with last year. I want her back and I want to be there for her when she needs someone. I always ask before to just end it and tell me she doesn’t love me anymore. She cant do it. She keeps on telling me that we’ll never know whats going to happen in the future and its best for us to go our separate paths. I just don’t know where I should place myself in all of this. Now she knows my number and we have open lines again. I just don’t know what to do with her anymore. And I think giving her a visit will just piss her off or just think that I’m pushing for us to get back together.

It’s never easy loving/liking someone with bipolar, in part because we don’t make it easy.  Just ask my boyfriend!  Not because we don’t want that relationship, the security and love, but our disorder places thoughts in our heads making us insecure about every little thing. Our thought process often times affects every area of our lives from family relations, work, and personal relationships.

When you are in a relationship with someone with bipolar it takes a level of patience that is, in my opinion, God like.  Our bouts of mania can put a financial strain on the relationship and our bouts of depression can put a strain on your mental well being as well.  I am blessed to be in a relationship where my boyfriend can change my negative thoughts around and get me to focus on the positives, but I am sure there are times even that takes it’s toll on him.

Advice for you is to be patient, let her come to you when she is ready.  If you are truly interested in her and she has shown signs she might be interested in you as well, you need to sit back and wait.  I talked to my boyfriend via text and phone for months before we actually went out.  You also have to be ready to hear her past, the baggage that she carries with her and interferes with her ability to stay stable.  Encourage her to see her doctor and therapist regularly where she will be able to talk to them about you and come to a reasonable decision as to where she wants to go with the relationship.

If the relationship begins, be forewarned there will be times she is clingy and times where she will push you away.  Being in a relationship with someone who has bipolar is a testament to your ability to be patient and have thick skin. So learn patience, learn peace and learn to  communicate even when she doesn’t want to let you in. But most of all the decision ultimately has to be hers.  If you push too soon, you will lose her, if you are patient and it is meant to be she will come to you.  Just be ready. Good Luck and I admire you for wanting to love someone with bipolar, because the road will not be easy.

2 thoughts on “What to do with a Bipolar Ex

  1. Robert in Toronto

    Sorry but you have given very bad advice. A relationship involves TWO people, not one. You have made the bipolar woman central & all important. Look at it from HIS standpoint. The statistics say there is a 90% chance of divorce. The remaining 10% does not define a proper relationship, rather a codependent existance where he must be “thick skinned”. The man is just to “thick” to trust his instincts, he said it: “a waste of time”. I wasted 27 years on a woman who is incapable of a relationship. Do not waste your life or time by hoping that a broken individual will magically get better, they don’t. Move on & learn that you have a character (giver) which can be easily abused/fooled. Life is too short to waste on a bad relationships.

  2. I think I can see it from both aspects. I myself believe it truly depends on the actual situation and the actual person. On this site all we can do is interpret a situation as we see it. I don’t think either your’s or the author’s is bad advice, it’s just advice from two different perspectives. I do agree that it’s not good to waste your time with an abusive relationship, but I am also bipolar and I think that if it weren’t for my husband’s patience with me we’d have been divorced years ago. HOWEVER, our relationship isn’t one of abuse or lies either.

    Hugs to all involved. I think deep down we all know what the answer is, it’s just a matter of waiting for the right time to act upon it.

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