I’ve read the post “My Boyfriend with BP is pulling away? What do I do?”, and I’m in a similar/different situation. We had a wonderful relationship, but he was going through tough times with medication switches and additional stresses. He spent time at a treatment facility daily and did a lot of “digging”, which I take to mean self-evaluation.
At the beginning of the year he wasn’t in a great place with himself, though he was still very comfortable with me and shared intimate moments and feelings. He then very unexpectedly broke up with me, saying “I can’t do this to you”, “I don’t want to hurt you”, etc. I have been disallowed to talk to or approach him or mutual friends; I got no follow-up conversations, no chance to ask questions; and I have no clue how he’s doing.
Occasionally I spot him at school and he looks dead inside. Having made it clear he won’t talk to me, he walks through a hallway I frequent when he has other options, just to ignore me as he walks past. It’s been over three months since he left me and I miss him every day and worry for him constantly. I still love him, and I don’t know what happened that he had to be rid of me so completely, so quickly.
What happens at these troubled times in a bipolar person’s life? What is he going through? Why did he wish to go from intimate and loving to completely severed in a day? What’s the best thing I can do to let him know I’m still here for him, when he won’t accept help or communication in any capacity? And my biggest question — is it really over, or will he come back on his own time? Or has he lost himself and forgotten about me?
Unfortunately, I do not actually know what it’s like to be with someone who has bipolar, I only know what it’s like to BE the one with bipolar in a relationship. And unfortunately I’m a she, not a he, and can only speak from the experience of being a female.
I gleam from how you stated you see him at school that you are both still very young. There are many things beyond the scope of bipolar going on at that age. It sounds to me like he may be trying to protect you for some reason, or he just feels like he is not emotionally stable enough for a relationship. Kudos to him for knowing this, if it is indeed the case, but that does not take away from the fact that it is still difficult on you.
However, it does throw off a warning signal that he does not want you to talk with his friends and has cut off complete communication. It seems a bit extreme, but it looks as though you are not going to be left with any way to find out why.
Though it’s probably not what you want to hear, I believe that, at least for now, your relationship with him is over. I cannot predict whether he will come back or not, but if he does, I would be very cautious and make sure to get a good explanation before accepting him back into your life because it is likely it will happen again.
Dating someone who has bipolar, as I’ve stated before, is one of the hardest relationships you’ll ever encounter. It takes hard work and understanding. Still, no amount of work and/or understanding can amount for much when the other person is not putting in the same amount of work and understanding as you.
I honestly cannot say it enough. Bipolar is an illness, much like diabetes or similar diseases, and it CAN be treated. Bipolar should never be used as an excuse to treat another person poorly. Will it happen? Sometimes, even the best of people, bipolar or not, treat their loved ones poorly at times, but it should never be blamed on the mental illness. Even if the illness is the cause of poor judgement, it does not excuse it.
I’m sorry this was not happier advice, but I hate to provide false hopes, and without knowing him or the situation better, it’s very difficult to make a better assesment of what is going on.