My husband, stepdaughter and stepson all are bipolar. They are driving me crazy.

I am at the end of my rope, barely hanging on. My husband, stepdaughter and stepson all are bipolar. They are driving me crazy. They are right and everybody else is wrong. I get cussed at put down and feel like nothing more than a maid to my husband. I have dealt with this almost 20 years and I am about to walk out. I just need to vent. The sights I have been to say not to take it personally when they say unkind things but you can’t help but take it personally. Especially when they don’t admit they have a problem. The son and daughter both have been diagnosed as bipolar but they do not take their medication as prescribed and my husband thinks there is nothing wrong with him. I have developed fibrmyalgia and depression since living this way and I just can’t do  it anymore.

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You are certainly dealing with a lot having three people with Bipolar Disorder directly affecting you as a person. I am so sorry that it is so rough and I hope maybe I can help you. You definitely have dealt with this for a very long time. I can surely see why you are at the end of your rope.

When somebody says something unkind or hurtful it is very hard not to take it personally. Especially, if it keeps happening and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. It sounds like the three people in question here definitely need to be taking their medications. They certainly can’t be living life to the best of their abilities without medications or even therapy for that matter.

There are a few points I have that could possibly help you. I hope they give you hope.

  • Have you made boundaries so they KNOW this behavior is inappropriate and you will NOT stand for it?
  • Have you put consequences into effect so they know what they are doing is wrong?
  • Have you sought help for yourself?
  • Lay down the law. Make sure they know what it is and stick to it.
  • Have you tried to sit down with your husband or is that futile? Use “I” statements so he doesn’t feel attacked.
  • Have you thought about removing yourself from the situation to protect your psychological state as well?
  • Do you have friends or relatives you can talk to?
  • Are there friends or relatives that could possibly intervene without much repercussion?
  • I know certain websites might say to ignore the hurtful language, but my opinion is there is never a reason for hurt even if a person is sick. The disease can be controlled.
  • Are you doing self-care? This is so important to last in a situation like you are in.
  • Who can you trust? Who can help you?
  • Can you contact their psychiatric providers and clue them in as to what is happening?

I know these are just points but I hope maybe they will help you. I have never been one, even with Bipolar Disorder, to really lash out or be hurtful. I can’t imagine doing it.

I personally think in this situation it’s time to take care of yourself and possibly remove yourself from the situation. Yes, people with Bipolar Disorder are sensitive, and their moods go all over the place, but it is never a reason to hurt somebody and then not take responsibility for it.

If there’s any other way I can help you please don’t hesitate to ask at shari (at) askabipolar (dot) com.

6 thoughts on “My husband, stepdaughter and stepson all are bipolar. They are driving me crazy.

  1. You can not help your Bi-Polar family if they won’t help themselves!! You get help for you ,for your depression. You set the standards if they can not. They get help and medication or you get going! You too deserve a life.

  2. I am at the end of my rope, barely hanging on. My husband, stepdaughter and stepson all are bipolar. They are driving me crazy. They are right and everybody else is wrong. I get cussed at put down and feel like nothing more than a maid to my husband. I have dealt with this almost 20 years and I am about to walk out. I just need to vent. The sights I have been to say not to take it personally when they say unkind things but you can’t help but take it personally. Especially when they don’t admit they have a problem. The son and daughter both have been diagnosed as bipolar but they do not take their medication as prescribed and my husband thinks there is nothing wrong with him. I have developed fibrmyalgia and depression since living this way and I just can’t do it anymore.

    Get them in to see a doctor and get them on some meds

  3. Just wanted to say how much I feel for you in this situation. I have bipolar and my husband has fibro, plus back injury, and I know that he would be able to really identify with you. The pain and discomfort that you have to deal with on a daily basis is exhausting and makes even simple tasks difficult, both physically and emotionally. To have the people around you, who you’d like to be able to depend on for support, be unreliable,unpredictable and sometimes so hurtful… well, I can’t imagine how hard that must be.

    I know my hubby feels so isolated. He has lost so much – friends, hobbies, freedom to do the things he wants/needs to do. And to have me falling apart on him is really tough, especially when others outside the home can’t imagine that I’d be anything but sweet and easy going. I hate that he has so much on his plate (and he says the same of me).

    Anyway, I don’t have any helpful suggestions. There aren’t any easy answers. I just hope you have people in your life who look out for you, or that you can find some support. You need to be able to vent, and when those in your household don’t have the insight to realise what’s going on and how their actions and decisions are impacting you, you need others to give you that affirmation. The truth is that your husband and stepkids are not always right, and I bet you often are. I really hope that they can get the help they need.

    Wishing you all the best, and the courage and stamina to cope with the situation, whatever you decide to do.

    *hugs*

  4. Hiya,

    I know exactly how you feel – though I am living with only one bi-polar – I have been with my husband for 37 years and have reached the end of my rope. I am leaving him within the next couple of weeks. I have been to see his GP to make sure that there is a safety net put in place for when I walk away. He hasn’t been taking his meds regularly even though he knows it is imperative that h sticks to the right dosage – he knows better and so only takes 800 mg even though he has been prescribed 1000mg – he messed about with the dosage last year and ended up being sectioned under the mental health act. I have told him over the years that I cant take it but now have decided that enough is enough. Hope it all works out for you in the end be strong and do whatever is best for you life is far too short to wast it away

  5. I have a spouse with bipolar and we have been together for 15 years. I know what you are saying about the taking things personally because it is impossible not to take things personally when you are supposed to also be best friends and a team. The way a spouse is treated in a realtionship where there is one bipolar person is abusive period.
    You must be willing to take abuse. I have wanted to leave on several occassions before. But then he wakes up the next morning and he acts fine…it is very confusing. He ruins our vacations and weekends together as a family and he also directly attacks others in the family verbally, which I have to get in the middle of the situation and guard them and their possessions because he will throw things. He loves to destroy things in the process. This is with several medications that he is taking for it.
    I think the person writing this article on directives on how to deal with a bipolar person is way out there…there is no way to Lay a Law Down! It was stated that they are not themselves when they say those hateful things…how do you expect them to go by the LAWS you lay down…I am angry because every suggestion does not help..they are unpredictable and hurtful…almost possessed by the devil when they are like this.

  6. I am a bipolar suffer and was diagnosed 6 years ago, if someone was abusive and hurtful and didnt have bipolar I would fully agree that the relatiosnhip should be over and that there should be consequences etc. However When I am high i feel like superman, that everyone is wrong and that I am right I Have mouthed off sworn and been generally dispicable to my partner and her children and I know when I am in a sane period that all these things are wrong. However being told this in a high and being told there are consequeces is just ridicoulous. It has taken me 5 years to start taking medication and it is hard to take because the highs can become addictive, just like drugs the rapid cycling can be a rollercoaster that once started you cannot get off until a depressive stage. I also find that alot of people thrive off my manic energy but are no where to be seen when I am depressed or when things go wrong, my partner is quite happy to drink with me even knowing what the dire consequences this can lead to. Ive seen my auntie suffer for years and be in and out of hospital and quite frankly if i continue to hurt the loving caring people around me I might end it all for their safety and to take my bipolar out of the gene pool

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