One year ago today I started on a journey with absolutely NO idea what was ahead of me. All I knew was I had a vision, and I needed to share that vision. I NEEDED to make a difference, even if only a small one.
And so Ask a Bipolar was born!!! Remember when it looked like this!!!
Yeah, I’ve tried to forget too 🙂 I must have been in a bad mood that day. Look at all that black! EEK! It was like, “Hi, welcome to my deep dark cave of despair. Come on in and get cozy … in the dark … It’s ok, I won’t bite!” It could be I was still stuck in my twilight phase, I don’t see any random chess pieces or apples, so I don’t think that was the catalyst.
I got over the whole EmoAaB look. Brightened things up a bit and brought us to a much happier cave, as seen below!
And yeah, its change a bit more since then too … and will again before the end of the month, but it’s all for you guys baby!
So back to my journey (Don’t stop … believing …sorry, couldn’t help it!). As I said, when I started this site I had no clue what would become of it. It started small, just Erika and I (Whom we all miss!!!) and then it got bigger, and bigger, and bigger. I added authors to help with the work load (Thanks guys! I love you!). Some came and went, but they are not forgotten, nor are their posts. (I miss you guys too!) But in the midst of all the question answering and asking questions and writing all about this tragic illness, something else happened …
I met the most wonderful group of people ever. All of my authors have changed my life in one way or another. They’ve supported me through my ups and downs, offered extra help when I couldn’t keep up, stayed patient as my scattered mind fell behind. These people are not only my help for the Ask a Bipolar site, but they are my friends. They work hard and diligently without any form of compensation. They just do it.
Because of you!
You guys are our compensation. Helping you is want fills each one of us up. You are who keeps us going. You are the ones who make us feel like our life is worth something. And we all need something worth living for!
I’m not going to lie, this has been one of the MOST difficult years of my life. But the exact same time, it has also been one of the most amazing years of my life. If you knew me in the few years prior to AaB, you’ll remember how desperately I was fighting to find out who I was, where I belonged, and who I wanted to be. Though I still struggle from time to time with keeping my priorities in line, for the first time ever, I know exactly who I am, where I belong and who I intend to be. I wouldn’t if it weren’t for this site. And that’s not an artificially sweetened line of cheese either.
Let me tell you who I was before this site. (Oh come one, you’ve read this far … just a bit further, I promise!)
I was lost.
I was making life mistakes left and right.
I couldn’t figure out if I wanted to be a stay at home mom, a writer, or a full time working mom.
I had no idea what line of work I really wanted to make a career in. I had trouble making and keeping friends.
I was lonely.
I felt useless.
And sure, I could write, but about what? Nothing seemed to work out right.
Not only was I Desperately Searching for my Inner Mary Poppins, I was desperately search to fine the inner me.
And here I sit, one year later.
I’ve got my tiny laptop with me, writing a blog post for a gazillion people I’d have never even met without AaB. I’m a writer. Like a real writer. Over 20,000 people have read my book! I write for a local paper and will soon be writing regularly for a BP Magazine. I’m going to school because I finally know what I want to do. And I’m good at it. I’m actually really good at school. (Yes this does come as a shock to me as high school was not all that wonderful) I now have a stable marriage. My son is thriving, so much in fact he won an award on the last day of school for being “The Most Improved” through out the whole year. I know exactly who my friends are and I don’t have to tip toe around them. They get me. And it’s not that my other friends aren’t wonderful as well, but I can’t even begin to explain how good it feels to be gotten.
Needless to say, I am me. And I’m proud to be me. And I am proud to be able to help all of you even if just a little bit.
Sure, I may write books with a wee bit too much profanity (well at least more than I use every day!) but I felt the need to capture my characters as they were, not how our sugar coated society wants them to be. And yeah, I probably wasn’t thinking too quickly when I named the website. I was looking for something catchy and at the time, I wasn’t even aware of the stigma attached to such a phrase. I could probably rename the site, but I won’t. That’s just who I am. I am unintentionally offensive (but in a good way). I’m the queen of verbal diarrhea (but at least it doesn’t smell bad). I talk before I think, I do before I plan, and I can’t walk up the stairs and chew bubble gum at the same time (No seriously … I really can’t!). I’m a disaster. But I can promise you one thing … and I’d totally pinky swear on this … I always have the best intentions in mind. As did I when I started this site.
My original thoughts were to thank my authors/readers/friends separately, but the thing is, there is not a one of you who deserves more praise than another. You have all touched me in ways you could never imagine and I am so eternally grateful for you.
So to all my authors, past and present … to all my readers … to all of you who participate in our FB group or on our page … and to all of you who silently submit questions and read our answers … (did I forget anyone?) well there is only one thing to say to all of you …
I BIG FAT POOFY HEART LOVE YOU GUYS!!!
Thank you so much for changing my life 🙂