My son has shown unusual changes in his appetite, he hasn’t been hungry. With that he has had a lot of anger and feeling too much energy. Has anyone felt appetite changes with depression and mania and what does that look like?
My moods and my appetite are natural enemies. I say enemies because they are always battling one another.
Many people probably don’t know this about me, but I have definite issues with weight. I’ve never completely gotten to the point where I’ve been diagnosed with an eating disorder, but there was a time in high school where my weight was regularly being monitored.
It started when I was about 11. I still had my baby belly and anything but an actual figure. I was trying on bathing suits one day and got teased for my belly sticking out so far, from that moment on, I was forever changed.
I mean don’t get me wrong, everyone WANTS to be thin, but me, I NEED to be thin. It’s not even completely about how I look, though that does play a big part. But it’s how I fit into my clothes and the need to fit into the smallest size possible. It’s the need to prove I can take care of myself and stay in shape even though I’m officially middle aged (*GASP*). 50% of my world revolves around my weight.
And unfortunately, my moods are so not on the same page!
I have like five appetite setting that coincide with moods.
Hypo (almost full) manic – NO time to eat. This is my favorite. I’m never hungry, I’m always on the move, and I’m thin! It’s all work and no play. I’ll go into diet mode and only eat healthy food. I’ll run, I’ll do yoga, I’ll be the master of my body. It’s fantastic. Unhealthy, but fantastic.
Hypo (low end) manic – This is the point where it takes effort to stay thin, but believe me, I put in the effort. I force myself to miss meals, I force myself to exercise, and I force myself to eat as healthy as possible. Unfortunately I’m not always successful, and the further the mania drops, so does my success rate. This stage is difficult and sometimes discouraging for me.
Low Depression – I’m losing the battle with my eating will power at this point. I’m still concerned, but at the same time losing the energy to care. And by this point … ice cream is evilly calling my name at every chance it gets! It whispers to me in the evening. Flirts with me the grocery store. And it promises to soothe my aching heart
Depression – I just don’t care anymore. I want to be thin, but it’s obviously not working. I want to eat healthy, but french fries are more enticing. I want to find other means of comfort but for some reason pizza keeps me just a tiny bit happier. I’m known to gain anywhere from 5 – 15 pounds during this time. And that inevitably leads into the next stage.
Major Depression – I’m fat. I’m ugly. My favorite clothes don’t fit! I’ve gained a spare tire and I hate myself for it. And then I crash. I have no will to eat. I’d rather just stay in bed and sleep. I sleep to keep myself from eating. If I get hungry before bed time, bed time comes earlier. I punish myself. But I keep from losing TOO much weight so no one will suspect I have a problem. Major depression usually flips into hypo mania and hiding my weight loss becomes quite difficult as my favorite clothes are now falling off my ass.
This past winter, in the midst of a mixed episode, and dealing with the stress of my grandmother dying, starting a new job for the first time in 3 years, marital issues and a million other little changes taking place, I got down to 103 lbs. I haven’t been that light since High School. I was euphoric with my success. Everyone noticed. Everyone complimented me. My face was thin and beautiful. Nothing hung out of my clothes.
I’m ashamed to say, it was probably the high light of my year so far.
I know it was unhealthy, and as things started to stabilize in my life, so did my weight. I steer clear of scales and Wii Fit Boards as of late. I try to eat healthy and I try to exercise, but I also try not too put too much stock into it. I KNOW I’m a good/healthy weight, yet I’m still disgusted by the image in the mirror after a shower. I KNOW I should be happy with my size, but it’s bathing suit season and I don’t want any extra tid bits falling out. However … I pay attention to what I KNOW, and try to ignore my nagging weight issues.
Can you guess what part of my mood cycle I am in?