Is this really the end?

We have been together for 2 1/2 years and he has been good on his meds for most of it but a lot of things in his family including a suicide by one of his minor nephews, as well as a diagnosis of hypothyroid in him, has made him act out a lot more in the past few months and thus has made him push me to the point of confrontation which takes a lot, but seems to be the only outlet he has. This has led to us basically breaking up recently but he still wants to be in my life.   I don’t think I can just be friends, my feelings are too strong. Is this really the end or do I have to play along til he can figure out how to handle it all without making me the scapegoat?

 

Well I can only imagine that a suicide of a family member would affect anyone emotionally, having bipolar or not.  Its hard for relationships where one person is experiencing a loss because every person deals with loss differently and grieves differently.  Some get depressed, some use aggression and anger, some just try to block it out completely and try to bury it away.  It sounds like the suicide of his nephew may have triggered a lot of anger and aggression and unfortunately, there really is no time limit on how long it could last.  Since everyone grieves differently, they also take different lengths of time to go through the grieving process as well.

As far as how the hypothyroidism has affected him and how that could have a lasting effect, I don’t really have an answer to that except to say that as long as he is under his primary care physicians care for that condition, it should be getting under control shortly and any side effects from that should be dwindling.

When it comes to him still wanting to be in your life, you have to remember that while he may be grieving, you are not.  You have feelings and emotions and you are a person too.  Talk to him and explain that while you want to be there for him and help him through this as a friend, your own feelings are going to be compromised and put to the side and being friends may not work out to be the best solution.  Explain that you really care about him and understand that he has been through a lot, but he also has to find a way to manage those feelings without always making you the target.  Perhaps just talking with him and letting him know you WANT to be there, you want to help, but just can’t be punching bag, will lead him to try to learn some other ways to handle his emotions or will lead you to make a decision you feel more comfortable with.

Whatever the case, you need to talk with him honestly but do not go at him or corner him so he feels attacked.  He will probably get defensive and it will end up going pretty bad.  Make sure he really does know that you WANT to be there for him and to help him through, but not with the continued actions.

I hope this helps!

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