As you can tell by our lack of regular posting, life has been a bit off kilter. This would be okay … had life not been off kilter for about the last, I don’t know, 30 years or so. Don’t get me wrong. Not ALL of my life has sucked. And for the most part I’ve been decently happy. The problem is … to be decently happy, I have to fight soooo hard. Every day is a battle to keep a smile on my face. Sometimes I know why, other times I don’t. The one thing I do know is … I am tired of it taking SO MUCH EFFORT just to remain moderately positive.
Today particularly feels like a battle which puts the Revolution to shame! I’m pretty sure I haven’t REALLY genuinely smiled once. And the further into the day I go the likeliness of a smile occurring declines most rapidly.
Because right now I’m questioning everything.
School and my Major
The house I’m moving to NEXT weekend.
Where I stand in other people’s lives.
and most recently … this website.
I love this website. I’ve poured my time, my knowledge and most of all, my heart into it. I know it’s helped a lot of people, but I’m starting to wonder how much it’s really helping those of you out there. And what’s worse is, is it actually doing the opposite to me? I’ve made some great friends, but I’ve also lost some … and usually … I don’t even know why. I mean, I know I’m not a bowl of Heath infused ice cream or anything, but goodness knows I’m not plate full of moldy cheese!
I get that people come and go in this life … it’s inevitable and all that hoopla. But why does it seem people come and go from my life quite a bit more than other peoples? And especially since I started this website. I’m really starting to wonder if I upset people more than I help them. And I can’t STAND to upset people. I’m a helper. I NEED to help. Helping others is what fuels me. I kinda feel like I’m running on fumes lately.
Needless to say I’m kinda feeling like I NEED to know if this site is really making a difference. Has it helped you? Or is everyone just coming here to find answers only to be disappointed and turn away? Should I just quit and turn it all off … or should I just suck it up and chalk it up to having a bad day(month/year/life) and quit whining about it already?
How do you decide when to quit? Where is that point where you realize something is hurting more than it’s helping?