Bipolar and Lies

I met a man two and a half years ago on an internet dating site and I have discovered that he has bi-polar. Not because he told me, but I found out.  I also found out about all of the lies and other women. Even a sensible person like me cannot separate the deceit from my feelings of betrayal.

I threatened to walk away from the relationship if he didn’t tell me the whole truth, but he kept on lying and I had to do some dirty digging to find out the truth. Because of this, I have asked him to leave and he is now threatening suicide. I’m trying to balance emotion with concern for him, whilst not giving him false hope for the future.  I believe if he cared for as he said, he would have shared this with me a long time ago. I really understand how difficult that may have been for anyone, but on the other hand he could of told me and risked me not understanding, or risked losing me through me finding out.  I don’t believe there was ever a time he felt he could tell me, which in itself has made me feel I was not the ‘right one’.

I have begged him to seek help.

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I think it’s important to start off by saying bipolar disorder does not make someone a liar. However, the disease does accentuate a person’s foibles. I don’t want to assume too much about your relationship or this guy, but if he is acting suicidal, then he needs medical attention. If you think he is going to kill himself, call 9-1-1.

If It’s not an emergency, you can still get him help. Honestly, I do not know the protocol for such things, but I do know that you could bring him to your county mental health department and ask him to seek help. Or have him check in to the mental health wing at your hospital.

I think it also goes without saying that if he’s been lying to you for some time now, he MIGHT (though not necessarily) be lying about this as well. Though I can completely understand the concern and inability to tell whether or not that is the case. But if he is lying, there is still a large issue there that he would threaten something SO severe just to keep you around, yet he’s not willing to be honest with you.

Have you considered calling a Suicide Hotline? I wonder what they would have to say and if they’ve come across this situation before?

Regardless of what is lies and what is truth, I honestly believe you are doing the right thing. NEVER let someone use bipolar as an excuse to be dishonest or treat you poorly. If he truly cared and truly wanted to be better for you, he’d seek help. He wouldn’t just keep lying.

Best of luck to you. I hope he is able to find the help he needs and you are able to be at peace with your choices.

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If you are thinking about harming yourself, or know someone who is, we advise you to get help immediately.

You can get help by doing one of the following:

  • Call your doctor.
  • Call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room to get immediate help or ask a friend or family member to help you do these things.
  • Call the toll-free, 24-hour hotline of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK
  • TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) to talk to a trained counselor.

Make sure you or the suicidal person is not left alone.

One thought on “Bipolar and Lies

  1. Hey Jon,
    Very good answer for a damn tough question! I had a friend w/ a BF like that…cheated, lied, treated her like dirt. But every time she went to leave he’d use the “suicide” line. Finally she called his mother to come over told him it was over and his mom could handle the suicide threats. I was very proud of her!
    Cat =]

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