“For about 6 months me and my girlfriend where dating. She is bipolar and works as a psychiatrist and doesn’t take meds. She’s had 3-4 “down periods” which was very hard for me because she said that she did not want to live. When she was “up” she said strange things like, “I want to buy a house” and the next day she wanted to “move away”. She wanted to quit her job the next day. Many times she said things to me that hurt. Despite all problems I loved her and she loved me. Her parents visited her for a week and it was strange because she was “normal” all the time, a very happy time for us. I understood that her parents did not know that she was sick. She drank a LOT and was drunk almost every week, and hungover at work. She went into a “down” period and did not want me around (as always when she was down) and after 2 weeks a went to see her. She was very down but we had sex and said we loved each other. One week after she texted me and wanted to talk. I wanted to talk right away but it could wait she said. I started to look on the internet for something … something was wrong. I found her on a dating site. She was looking for other men and she was single????? That ended our relationship. I mailed her and wrote that my family, myself and my friends were very angry and didn’t understand. She wrote me back and defended what she had done. She was in mania state and I started to learn about bipolar. I was very afraid for what she could do because I knew that she was drinking a lot and previous she didn’t want to live. She comes from another country and doesn`t have anyone. I had no one I could talk to about her and help her. I called her boss and explained her situation. The boss was very glad to know and should talk to her. I read all I could find about bipolar and let her know that. She doesn’t answer me. After a month I mailed her again. She doesn’t answer me. It was not easy to talk to her boss and of course she maybe is angry for doing that, but what else could I do?
My ex has also talked a lot about the people that are seeing her, all about the meds and even pointed the patients out when we walked In her city. She Is very sick.
What can I do more? Does she always hate me?”
First of all, I want to thank you for taking the time to write to AaB. It is obvious that you are searching for answers in any way that you can, which is very admirable! There is no doubt that you immensely care about your girlfriend. However, there are a few points that I would like to address after reading your story. For those who are not willing to take their medications as instructed it is known as non-compliance or non-concordance and actually part of a serious health problem. In fact, it is one of the most common reasons that people who have bipolar disorder end up relapsing or resorting to the original behaviors.
There are a variety of different reasons why someone would choose to not take their medication. Ultimately, it is up to her to decide what to do, even if she is sick. Also, you had mentioned that her profession is psychiatry, which means that she is probably aware of the pros and cons of the medication that is available to benefit her well-being. Plus, she has a great support system, including you. She is extremely fortunate to have that, as many who struggle do not have anyone. To me, support should come first and before medication.
With that being said, sometimes when a relationship hits a dead end, there is nowhere for you to turn…except away. I understand that you want to help her in any way possible, but it appears that you are dealing with a destructive relationship. The good news is that two people can work through their issues, but it takes two to tango. If someone that I was in a relationship with decided to call my boss, I would take it as act of betrayal as opposed to good intentions.
You mentioned that a month has passed since you two have spoken, perhaps the fire in your relationship will eventually re-kindle as it has in the past. I would try writing her a short e-mail to explain why you believed it was important to reach out to her family and work associates in order to help her. Despite what happens between you two, I believe that it is time for you to start concentrating on your own life. We all know the saying: You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. All of the pain, confusion, and frustration that you are experiencing are completely natural feelings for someone who is involved with a person who has a mental illness, let alone anyone in a serious relationship! She will not always hate you; she probably doesn’t hate you now. It sounds like she might be angry with you and needs some time to go by in order to completely forgive what has happened between you two.
Try to remember that you have done nothing wrong except educate yourself about what is going on. This is your life too. Thank you for reaching out, and I hope everything works out in everyone’s best interest.