Being Bipolar Ruined the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me.

“My ex and I met when I was 14 y/o I got diagnosed with bipolar around the same time. I never realized the severity of it and stopped taking my medication. My mom would put me back on it when she noticed me getting emotional but I always stopped. At 17 almost 18 I was back on my medication but found out I was pregnant by the guy I met when I was 14, so I stopped taking it again. After that our relationship continuously went downhill. I always blamed him for everything & never trusted him. Since I didn’t understand bipolar I didn’t think it was bad so I never explained to him how bad it is. I just explained that every couple months I get sad but it doesn’t last long. Almost 3 years since I found out I was pregnant (my son is 2 now) I still haven’t gotten back on my medication. My symptoms continuously get worse and my constant mood swings (I have severe mood swings at least 4 times a week) have driven him away. He can’t deal with me anymore. I have an appointment tomorrow that I made myself to see a psychiatrist and now that I realize this isn’t a joke; I plan on staying on my medication. How do I talk to him so he can understand this is real and I’m seeking help? Our son doesn’t deserve any of this. I just want him to see me happy and be able to grow up with his daddy.”

Congratulations, you’ve already taken the first step and it was a big one. You asked for help.  You called and made an appointment to see someone so that you could take that first step toward getting better.  You’re on the right track.  I’m not going to lie and say it’s going to be easy however.  I want to tell you up front, don’t get discouraged when your first set of meds might not work.  It’s very rare that the very first thing the doctor tries actually works.  It took my doctor 6 months and about 4 or 5 different meds before we found the right ones that worked for me. And that was just my anti-psychotics.  Just last year we finally found a whole regiment of meds that mixed together made an almost perfect cocktail to keep me stable.  Nothings perfect and even with the absolute perfect meds you’ll still have a bad day here and there or a manic high.  It’s just inevitable.  The important thing is to get them down to as few as possible over as long a period as possible.

Once you get on some meds that work for you everything else will slowly start to fall into place.  Don’t get discouraged.  It’s all about time.  It takes time to find the right meds.  It takes time to see the effects of the meds.  It takes time for others to see the changes in you.  It takes time for it to sink in that things are changing for the better.

Once you start believing it yourself, your son will see it in you and you will see a difference in him too.  As for his Daddy, those wounds heal slower.  Trust me; I ruined a three year marriage because of my bipolar.  It was a vicious divorce and it took us about 4 years after that before we could even carry on a conversation without yelling at each other.  I had some serious issues I had to resolve, but once I did I slowly began to change.  At first, he didn’t trust me that I was sincere, but now two years later we have an amicable relationship for the most part. It’s all about TIME…….

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