My boyfriend is bipolar and isn’t taking meds yet. Sometimes I can see before he has an episode but last time I didn’t see it coming. He was saying things about how he is struggling controlling his emotions and how he has times he feels he need things from other woman and he hates it and wants it to go away and he struggles at times staying faithful. Is this really because he’s bipolar and will it change if he’s on meds? Or am I at the end..
It is true that being in a relationship with someone who is bipolar is very difficult, just ask my ex-husband (hahaha). However, it is not impossible. I have several friends who are bipolar who have long lasting marriages and I am banking my own current relationship on their example. However, being in a relationship with someone with bipolar takes a lot of effort on both sides. It takes a lot of understanding from you and a willingness to learn, as well as a lot of commitment from him and a willingness to compromise on both sides. The main component to any relationship to help it thrive is communication. Without communication you will never get anywhere. It sounds like your boyfriend is at least trying to be honest with you about his feelings, which is a start. The key is to talk about these feelings, not to dismiss them or put them on the back burner and hope they go away, because they won’t, they will only fester into bigger issues. Now to talk about the issues themselves.
It isn’t uncommon for people with bipolar to be promiscuous. Promiscuity is a symptom of bipolar. It does present a problem when you are in a relationship. When you are on medication most symptoms of bipolar can be controlled, this one included. However, this is not always the case. Even on medication there is always the chance of having an episode and in a manic episode risky behavior can happen. Being with other women, multiple women, would fall into the category of risky behavior and unfortunately it isn’t something he has much control over if he isn’t taking his medication properly or isn’t on medication at all. I know it seems like a poor excuse, but that’s just the way things are. However, like I said, these things are easily more manageable with proper medication and therapy. It is a matter of how badly he wants to be stable and how much he wants this relationship to work. These are decisions only he can make for himself, no one can make them for him.
As I said, communication is a very big part of any relationship. Not only does he have to be honest about his feelings but you have to be honest about yours also. It can’t be a one way street on either side. If you are worried about where you stand, without giving ultimatums, I would seriously consider having a talk with him about where he sees your relationship going and question his desire to put any effort into getting on medication to become more stable for his own well being, as well as the well being of your relationship. Talking to someone with bipolar takes a very soft touch. If you go about it the wrong way you can cause more damage than repair. If you aren’t careful they can feel trapped or feel like you are attacking them. This is not something you want to do. You want to make him feel at ease, comfortable. You want him to feel like he can open up to you as you are opening up to him. This is a two-sided conversation.
I wish you both the best. I hope everything works out for you and hope he decides to seek treatment for his own sake. His life will be so much more worthwhile and less confusing.