I am the spouse of a bipolar, the last year has been very stressful for us and he has come to the conclusion that he wants out of our relationship of 21 years because he doesn’t know what he wants in life. His daughters(18 and 16)and I are seeing a pattern from his last major episode 14 years ago. His meds have not been changed in that time frame and his symptoms or episodes are becoming clearer and clearer. He refuses to see it that way and will not go to a doctor. Any ideas on how to make him see what is going on?
As with most question, this is difficult to answer. When one is at the beginning of an episode, it’s hard to see and/or admit things are going downhill. If we’ve been stable for a long period of time, it’s easier to believe we are still stable and will always be stable. After all … we’ve made it that far already, right?
Unfortunately, we are rarely right in these cases. Though most of us (including me) try to shy away from the subjects about meds, I’m not going to lie that I do believe that sometimes meds need to be changed after time. Our bodies change, which means the chemicals and hormones in our bodies change. This means that our bodies process medications differently as we age.
So is it possible he needs a med change? Sure, it’s possible. Convincing him of this, not as possible. We bipolarees are stubborn. After awhile, its frustrating to admit our wrongs. Why must we always be wrong? Why can’t we see what you can see?
I have little advice as to how to convince him he’s not doing well. The best I can advise is to talk with his doctor, even if he won’t. Share your concerns. And share your concerns with your husband. He might not seem to be listening, but I promise, he is hearing you. Just don’t try to see too accusatory. Show concern, not anger. With the proper support, between his doctor, you and his daughters, I hope things will turn around. It just takes time.
My heart is with you and your family. I’m sorry if my words were not helpful. It’s not easy dealing with us bipolar folks. But one thing can be sure, we are listening, even when you think we’re not. We are just as scared as our loved ones, if not more. But at the same time, sometimes it’s hard to see when we’re falling. And it’s twice as hard to admit.
I wish the best to you. And please keep in mind it’s a very rough time of the year for those of us who suffer from bipolar disorder. Try to take it easy on him, but please keep a careful eye on him as well. I now it sounds contradictory, but I promise … it makes sense!