I often hear comments about how well I handle things and how I must be so strong. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the compliments, (because I pretty much thrive on compliments…something about self esteem issues and blah blah blah….lol) but there are those certain comments that you don’t know how to respond to because, well … because they aren’t totally accurate.
So please, know this … I’m no stronger than the rest of you.
Maybe I just hide it better? Maybe I just try to keep my issues to myself? Maybe I just don’t want to burden those who I’m trying to help?
Maybe all of those things are true?
But that doesn’t make me stronger. That makes me weak. Because the truth is …
I am broken. I am tired. I am struggeling.
I feel lonely. I feel burnt out. I feel helpless.
I hurt. I feel. I need.
I’m emotional. I’m unreliable. I’m uncontrollable.
I can’t do it alone. I can’t stay focused. I can’t be me.
I’m not always positive. I’m not always happy. I’m not always who you want me to be.
Those things do not make me strong. They make me just like every other person out there dealing with this illness. We are all weak and strong in our own ways. We all show it differently. We all have our moments.
I know some of my friends have been going through some VERY rough patches lately. I’ve heard numerous times, “Why do I even try anymore?”
Let me tell you why you try.
Because beneath all that anxiety and sadness and loneliness and doubt and all those other negative feelings and emotions you get to experience on a nearly daily basis … You are strong. Deep down you KNOW it is worth it. Deep down you KNOW there is light at the end of this all too long tunnel. Deep down you KNOW there are people who can’t live without you.
All this to say, to you who think I am oh so strong, you are too! You come here and you read and you study and you search for support. And in a way, that makes you stronger. Because here I am hiding behind my offers of support so I can try to ignore the fact that I too need help sometimes!