My family is falling apart

Hello. I have been married for 9 years now, and my wife and I have an 8 year old daughter. My wife was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 2 years ago. She is currently seeing a doctor and is using medication for it. At first, both seemed to really help, but lately, it seems to have gotten worse. We fight in front of our daughter, and when things get at their worse, she instantly stops and makes me the bad guy to my child and becomes “mother of the year”, further adding to the knocking me down to an extremely low level. I know it is an illness, but it really feels like she is doing it on purpose.

It’s to the point where I want to leave, but my fear of losing my daughter is crippling. My fear of losing my wife is crippling. I want to be with her, but as bad as this sounds, I want the old her. How do I get her to calm down when she has an episode? I don’t want this feeling of wanting to leave my wife. She’s my wife, not someone I can just walk away from. Thank you VERY much in advance for any advise you can give.

I’m sorry you are in this position. As the wife who’s been married for 10 years and only diagnosed for 3, I can sympathize with you all too well. Actually, my husband probably could a bit more … but he’s not so much about writing.

I can tell you one thing, if you love her and you want to make it work, you CAN. It will be difficult, and you’ll possibly go through these things again, but I bet she’s totally worth it.

When we go through episodes we say and do things that the rational us wouldn’t do. And unfortunately our husbands are the perfect catalyst to everything seeing as he’s right there. And who can’t point out a spouses flaw at the drop of the hat? Oh come on … you know you can too.

She is obviously hurting right now, the question you need to ask it why? Are the two of you going to counseling as a couple? My husband and I have found that the easiest way to make a situation rational is with a third party. Our therapist can help us get to the root of the problem, which is unfortunately, most often me and one of my mood swings.

I’ll tell you what I’ve learned … there is always help, there is always support, and there is always a way. However, both you and she need to seek out that help (as you are doing right now by emailing us). You need to find support groups either online or in your town. I firmly believe that medications only get you so far, but adding in cognitive therapy and a little vitamin D from time to time … makes world of difference.

Being bipolar is really difficult. I don’t want to lie about it. But if you’re anything like my husband, I can imagine you adore your wife. I bet she has one of the best senses of humor and leaves you needing her more than anyone you’ve ever met. We’re kinda awesome like that … well, when we are awesome. Unfortunately we kinda really suck when we aren’t being awesome. However, a man who works through these horrible up and downs is a prince charming in my book. And you sound like the kind of man who rides a white horse 😉

I really think the first step to working this out is finding some sort of therapy treatment plan as well as finding a good support system. And tell her about us. I can’t even begin to tell you how much having friends who get me has changed my life!!!!

I’m not sure if this helped. If you have further questions don’t hesitate to ask. And I really really wish you and your wife the best. Don’t give up on her, everyone gives up on us. Unless she’s NOT following her treatment plan and NOT trying anymore, I really think you should stick by. (Though I’m kinda biased. LOL)

Also, here are a few other articles we’ve written about relationships that might help.

Good luck!

http://www.askabipolar.com/tips-treating-bipolar-person/

http://www.askabipolar.com/103-my-best-friend-is-pushing-me-away-and-being-self-destructive/

http://www.askabipolar.com/when-is-enough-enough-knowing-your-boundaries/

Again, please do NOT hesitate to ask more questions. That’s what we’re here for 🙂

4 thoughts on “My family is falling apart

  1. To the author of this question, my husband was diagnosed as bipolar in October 2007 but of course problems started way before that. There have been times (too many for my liking) when our family was almost ripped apart due to actions of my husband in his manic states. So far we have pulled through it all. It is not easy doing what we do but staying together IS possible with the right support for you, your wife AND your daughter.

  2. Hi,

    I have bipolar schizoaffective disorder. I recommend that you take this supplement online called Truehope. With that supplement, you can reduce symptoms of bipolar so much that your life will become bearable again and it will save your marriage. When i first got married my husband wanted to divorce me because every day i’d be screaming at him all day and almost all night and i was taking seroquel. Since buying this supplement and taking it for three months, most of my symptoms went away entirely. I pay $150 a month for all of it, including the shipping costs. Please check it out because it works and has worked for my friend. Before you get a divorce, try it. Even if it is for just three months because it does save lives. Two companies sell a product that both work that i know of for bipolar – http://www.equilib.us and the other is http://www.truehope.com. You also have to realize something that i didn’t realize on medications that my doctors didn’t know, but that the supplement company told me. Try getting your husband to stop drinking anything with caffeine in it for four days and anything with sugar like candy, pop, cookies, muffins, and even fruit juice. Just try it for 4-5 days. He will probably stable out a lot. It worked for me and it worked for thousands of people, because sugar and caffeine are stimulants and any stimulant can cause the brain of a bipolar person to override their medications. Please try and it and then try one of the two supplement companies. They don’t just sell you a product. They offer phone support daily for you and your husband and talk to his doctor as well for life. It is a treatment that is 86% effective.

  3. I have bipolar disorder in the extreme, and I was medication resistant and deteriorating. My husband wanted to divorce me and was crying a lot because of my rages and abuse. The only thing that stopped all of that was something i bought online from a company called Truehope. This company told me to stop drinking all forms of caffeine and stop eating anything with sugar, including even juice. I did that and in 4 days i was stable on med psych meds. After that, i realized that these people knew something that doctors didn’t even know or failed to tell me, so i went with it and it worked. I did some research on the company first to see if it was legitimate and not a scam. I phoned up Health Canada, which is like the FDA of Canada to see if it was safe and approved and it is. I asked naturopathic doctors if the amount of supplement they were asking me to take would be harmful or not and they said no. Within three months of the supplement, i saw drastic reduction in my symptoms and within another three months after that, i had almost no symptoms of bipolar. It saved my life and I recommend it to anyone who can’t stabilize on psych meds. This company worked with my doctor and gave me phone support and still does. Some things that may help your husband with immediate relief of anger problems now is something called inositol you can buy it from a health food store or online vitamin store at a very low cost – vitacost.com – 11.99. It stops racing brain and anger along with choline, which is cheap and you can buy anywhere. THat was some of the advice given to me by this company Truehope and it worked. Take as much as needed of both. you can’t overdose on those and they won’t interfere with psych meds. If you are thinking about getting a divorce, please try something different. Psych meds dont’ work for everyone.

  4. Hi, as a sufferer of Bipolar disorder and seasonal affective disorder I think the best advice I can give you is to educate yourself. You can get so much information just by googling Bipolar. There are some great forums too where people with Bipolar share their feelings and symptoms which I know have been an immense help to my husband. Sometimes meds have to be changed too and it might be a case of just adding a little of something else to re-balance the moods. Unfortunately, it is not a case of taking one med forever and expecting it will always do the job. Bipolar is a condition that can change at the drop of a hat. One minute everything is fine and stable and in an instant everything can change and the world comes crashing down around you. While it is important for you to be educated, it is also important to explain the illness that your wife has to your daughter. She is old enough to start understanding what is happening to her Mum and it will eliminate any future thoughts that she may have been the cause of your arguments. I have a 13 year old daughter and she has always known about my illness and it has not damaged her. In fact she has been able to help friends of her own who have experienced depression and self-harm because she was able to see the signs. She has also been the strength that kept me alive on more than one occasion simply because she “got it”. I know some people would not agree with involving children but lets face it, they see it. It’s not going away.Why shouldn’t they know why it is happening? It is not a crime…it is an illness.Another form of support you could give your wife is going to her doctors appointments with her and being involved that way so you are kept in the loop regarding her treatment plan and you can ask questions also.
    So I guess if you want to stay with your wife which I can see you very much do, you need to get involved. Not just in the confusion and arguments but the treatment and education and support with her recovery as well. Accept that there will be plenty of difficult times and that will make them a little easier to handle.Be her strength when she has none, know when to back off in an episodal argument and let her know that no matter what, you are in this together. Work on it as a team.

    I hope this helps you and you can find the strength to hang in there. All the best.

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