Fear-Anxiety

I’m scared of my self and of people around me. If I’m in a situation were i don’t know someone i get so scared, i cling to people of whom i am with.  I pick and stratch at any cut or mark i have, it gets bigger and i do it again and again.. i don’t know what to say, I’m sorry

Having fears is okay. Having fears all the time usually is a sign that you’re dealing with some issues of anxiety. I know how very irritating and painful anxiety can be for a person trying to live their life. What you are feeling seems to be some very classic signs of anxiety. I’ve actually dealt with all the ones you’ve listed above. I can tell you that with practice you can take some steps to ease those anxieties.

I am not in the medical profession at all so these are all my opinions based on my own experience not only with Bipolar which has anxiety tied to it but a separate Anxiety Disorder. This is hard work but it is totally worth it! My life used to be driven by my fears and now for the most part I can keep my anxiety under control. It did not happen overnight! It took forever for me to get a handle on what my mind automatically did but after a few years of practice I do pretty okay.

Okay, this is how I handle my fears. I hope some of them will work for you too!

1. I ask myself why I am scared of those around me or myself. Typically what my mind always thinks is incorrect as it is always negative. I call this automatic negative thinking, “stinkin’ thinkin’” because all it ever does is stink up my life.

2. Now that you know what “stinkin’ thinkin’” is you can learn to control it. This is the difficult part because it’s like talking yourself out of what you believe to be true and usually isn’t. For example: Today I went to the running store to get a new pair of shoes. The clerk seemed to look at me as though I didn’t belong in that store at all and that he didn’t care to help me at all. I felt utterly depressed after leaving the store and started to stinkin’ think. I started saying to myself that he must have treated me that way because I’m too overweight right now to be seen as a typical runner. I went over several reasons he treated me so poorly and it was all about my fears. Once I realized what was happening I stopped myself and said over and over again until I believed it, that what I felt was wrong. The clerk was likely having a bad day or was not enthused about being at work and the way he treated me had nothing to do about if he viewed me as a runner or if he say me as too heavy to run well. I told myself that I was once a great runner and I will be again. I told myself that I am strong and capable. I will succeed. Eventually what I feared, what my mind instantly told my about that situation went away.

3. When you get a stinkin’ thinkin’ thought which is negative you need to find a way to come up with something positive to tell yourself over and over again until you believe it.

4. Try your best to stay as stress free as possible. When you get stressed your anxiety levels go up dramatically! I will often pick at my arms, legs, hair, anything when I get too stressed to deal with the anxiety that I’m feeling. I have many scars from things that I picked at over and over again just because I felt the need to do so as a release for my anxiety. When I find myself picking now, as I still do from time to time, I must stop myself and ask if I’m stressed about anything.

5. Exercise!!!! Doctors always tell you that exercise is good for you and I will have to agree. Since I was a child I have used exercise to ease my anxiety. It gives me the chance to release and relax. During the time that I didn’t exercise regularly my anxiety became so bad that I was in the hospital for three weeks. I would have a panic attack any time I tried to do anything, so I stayed in bed as much as possible. Not good and I would not recommend it! Stay active because it helps more than any medication ever will! If you don’t like to do it alone, join a team or sign up for a race to get you motivated.

When it comes to the clinging thing I do that too! I want to feel a connection to others. I sometimes feel unloved as a part of the stinkin’ thinkin’ that I do so I always want to be around someone. I love hugs!! I cannot get enough of them!!! Unfortunately this is the part that I still have a huge issue with so you must understand that my advice is still in practice here and I’m working on it. It’s the most difficult with my husband who gets annoyed with how clingy I can become. I try to limit how many times I ask for hugs or kisses in a day because I know that I can become so clingy that it effects his day and he’s a busy guy. This is the way it goes in my house: I get a hug and kiss when I see him and when I leave him and every night before bed. The leaving is especially important as I always fear that this moment will be the last I ever see of him and that he’ll get killed on the way to work in some dreadful way. Without these rituals I feel very empty and alone.

When you’re alone and have anxiety issues it can be the worst thing of all because your mind is your only companion. Try to stay with other so you can preoccupy your mind and distract yourself as much as possible. You just have to be careful not to be so clingy that it gets in the way of other’s lives. I know it’s unlikely that my husband will die every day when he leaves for work and I try very hard to talk myself out of those thoughts. It’s just going to take more time than my other anxiety issues. We came to a kind of agreement about how many times I can hug him and be my clingy self before he gets annoyed. Sometimes he does have to tell me that I’m too clingy if I’ve been hanging around more than usual and I must remind myself that it’s not an attack on me. He still loves me. I just need to give him space. This is when I go bug my cat, Merlin.

It’s hard. I know. It’s also possible not to be consumed with anxiety but it takes practice.

Good luck! I know you can do it! You can live without fear or anxiety and be happy!

If you need to talk further you can always email me.

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