“I feel my bipolar gotten worse. I have a 17 year old and a 10 year old and it’s hard for me to stay in one spot. I have moved at least 20 times in two years my 10 year old daughter has gone to so many schools. She tried my son. I’m tried I feel I have been unstable for the longest time. I feel like I need to be by myself and i am not good for my children. I have been thinking about giving up my children. I am sad all the time. What should I do?”
I think only you and your children can make the final decision as to what is best for your little family. But I do want to say that more often than not, children are better off with their parents who love them and support them. It may not seem like you’re doing enough for you kids, but trust me, children are a lot more resilient then we tend to give them credit for. Your son will be out and on his own soon, hopefully going to college somewhere. Then you will just have your daughter at home. I will admit, moving so much in such a short period of time has got to be hard, not just on your kids, but on you as well. Did you ever think that maybe you should find a counselor or a therapist and try to talk out the issues you have that cause you to move around so much? There might be some underlying problem you have that you may not even be consciously aware off. For example, are you afraid to commit to staying at just one place? Does the thought of permanency scare you at all? Those are just a few ideas that come to mind. There could be many other reasons why you move so much.
If you really need some time alone to yourself, maybe a relative or close friend could watch your kids for a few days? That way you can do whatever it is you need to do to collect yourself. And if you’re not already doing so, you really should get to a Pdoc and maybe consider some meds.
I definitely would not be too rash and just give up your children. I’m sure both your son and your daughter love you, and they want to see their mom doing well. Give yourself a chance. You have raised them this long, believe in yourself that you can keep it up for a few more years. If need be, take the occasional break from your kids. That is fine and completely acceptable. I think every parent needs some time off from their kids to do ‘grown up’ stuff. I may not have any kids of my own, but I do know that my parents would have date nights with each other, or would go out with friends for a few hours. Every now and then, all us kids would be sent to a grandparent’s house or to the other parents house (my parents are divorced and both remarried) and the set without any kids would go away for the weekend or longer. It let them have a little time to themselves. And you know what? All of us kids were perfectly fine with it. We got a little vacation, and so did they. We actually had a lot of fun, and I’m sure they had a lot of fun, too (although I’m not too sure I want to know what all they did… Ach! Must wash my mind’s eyes now! Bad visions!!! EEEWWW!!!) You didn’t mention that you have a husband, and if you don’t, that’s fine. Maybe you could go away with some friends or some family. Or even go off by yourself! Nothing wrong with that at all!
Just stay strong, though. You will get through this. As I was just told, everyone goes through rough patches, whether they have a mental illness or not. Some are just worse than others, but we have gotten through all the ones in the past, and we will get through this one and all future ones. And yes, that means you will get through this. Just have some faith in yourself! And don’t be afraid to reach out for a little help now and then. J