My friend has ignored and avoided me throughout her whole pregnancy (only a month left). Very quickly I turned into ‘nobody’ to her when she came off her meds (but she’s fine with others, it seems to be only me). I can’t find any way through to her, no matter how much I try or how much space I give her, and never thought it would last this long without
let up. Is this expected? Should I let her know her behavior is hurtful or just wait out the pregnancy? I don’t want to cause her any stress. I will not give up on her (I made that promise when she came off her meds) just don’t know the best way to handle it. She’s gone from being my closest friend who tells me everything (and vice versa) to treating me like I don’t exist, or like my very presence irritates her. Does she even remember who I am?
I am sorry to hear that you have to endure being shut out by your close friend. First I want to say this please do not take this personal. I think you have done your due diligence as a friend. You sound like you’ve reached out to her and given her all the space she needs. There is a saying that says, “ We hurt the ones we love the most” there are many theories and debates as to why this happens. Some will argue that we take the people closest to us for granted. Maybe we feel a level of trust with them that we can without regards, hurt our loved ones without the fear of them ever leaving us. Maybe your friend knows that you will be there but right there is something deep rooted as to why she is choosing to act this way. I wouldn’t necessary blame it totally on bipolar, although I am sure there is a degree of it that perhaps has your friend isolating herself from you.
Your situation is a bit sensitive, as you don’t want to cause undo stress on your friend. You can imagine she is probably having a tough time being pregnant and not on her medication. In any pregnancy, bipolar present or not, there is anxiety, fear and uncertainly that comes with being pregnant. Will the baby be ok, how will my life change, will I be a good mom? For anyone being a new mom can be overwhelming. For your friend it is most likely amplified because she does have bipolar. As for as how she is treating you, I would wait until she has the baby and is all settled in. First send her a heartfelt email/note stating how much you care about her, reassure her that you will be there for you her. I wouldn’t go into specifics are even bring up why she isn’t talking to you right now. All she needs to know at this moment is that you are still there for her and the friendship is intact. Reassure her that despite the distance she’s put between you both you won’t give up on her. You will have to be the bigger person and let her come around at her own time. At some point I imagine she will reach out to you. Then she will be ready to let you in on what happen during her pregnancy. Until then be patient, don’t take it personal (easier said then done I know) because you are most likely mourning the loss of a friendship. I feel like she will let you back in when the time is right. For all you know maybe she doesn’t want to burden you with what she’s going through. People with bipolar tend to feel guilty and don’t want to burden our loved ones with our struggles. She could be sparing you from her roller coaster ride of emotions. Even if it seems all her other friendships are intact, they maybe superficial friendships and not as strong or developed as yours and her friendship. Hang in there and let time be the healer. I wish you the best of luck, you sound like you are doing all the right things.