I have Bipolar and Major Depression. My meds have my symptoms in check. In April my husband passed away. I have cried very little and wonder if the antidepressants I take are preventing me from grieving and mourning like I should be.
I think everyone grieves differently. My grandmother passed away in February. Where that probably is not as tragic as losing your husband, it was still difficult. I had a very rough time with it, but the only time I cried was the during the memorial and funeral and burial. After that, nothing. I kind of went numb and dropped into a big depression.
Grieving is very difficult, I think even more so for us with bipolar. There is a good percentage of time where we are not in control of our own emotions, and sometimes it’s hard to trust our own feelings.
There are many different reasons you may not be as upset as you might expect yourself to be. Was his death unexpected? If not, you may have already grieved before he passed away. It could possibly also be your meds. It couldn’t hurt to talk to your PDoc about them, let him know you are having trouble grieving.
My PDoc is convinced I haven’t grieved. He suggested I write letters to my grandmother about how I feel about her death. You could try that, maybe even put into words things you aren’t even aware that you feel. No one has to see the letters, you can even throw them away when you are done. But writing is an excellent source of therapy and can get us through even the roughest of times.
My suggestions would be this … join a support group. Reaching out to others who understand what you are going through is very important. They may also be able to help you through the grieving process. … talk to your PDoc, make sure he knows how you are feeling and ask him if you possibly need a temporary med change. … Write down your feelings, as many as you can think of until you can’t possibly write any more. … and don’t be too hard on yourself. You may just be in a state of shock. It’s not uncommon.
Here is a website which lists the 7 stages of grief. Perhaps this will help you better understand what you are experiencing.
I wish you the best in your healing process. If you ever need to talk or have any other questions. Please do not hesitate to ask! That’s what we are here for!
Again, I am so sorry to hear about your loss.