I have a sister that suffers from some form of depression however cant say she is bipolar…..However I am…41 years old and been a survivor learning to adapt to the horrible secret life…anyways my question is this..I am bipolar and so is my 19 year old son…how do I transition into healing when he is angry at me…question two..I have a sister that treats me like less then a person when my issues are off at times…I am on my meds and on a program but sometimes i’m just pissed at something…not in a bipolor rage….i’m misunderstood…..help
I’m going to start with the ‘on meds but still pissed off’ part first. Mainly because Erika and I were just talking about that before I even read it. (Actually we still are having this conversation….irony)
Being on meds and not feeling 100% better REALLY sucks. Being on meds, and taking them perfectly at the same time every day and still feeling like you want to sleep in bed all day and that life really sucks a big fat knuckle is even crappier.
BUT it happens. And way more often than we’d like it to. Meds can only take us SO far. What we need to do is remember what it was like before the meds when we have those days. How BEFORE the meds we WOULD stay in bed all day, or (in some peoples cases) we would cut ourselves, or we would contemplate the oh so many ways of killing ourselves and then we would cry all day and lock ourselves in the closet…ok so maybe that last one is just me.
What I’m trying to say is, we are never going to feel 100% better, but without the meds, we can definitely feel 199% worse! And our families/friends need to realize this too. Your sister needs to know that you are still going to get angry and you are still going to get sad, and then she needs to remember that it’s nothing like what it could be off the meds. Maybe she doesn’t remember what you were like before?
As for your son, I’m not sure why he is angry with you, but I’m sure it’s nothing personal. He might be upset because he feels like it’s your fault. You’re bipolar and that’s why he is too. I only suggest this because sometimes I feel like it’s my fault that my son is bipolar, and I fear one day he might too.
But the truth of the matter is, it’s not our fault. And yes, there will probably come a time when our children feel the need to place the blame somewhere, and well, we are the perfect target. But keep in mind, while you are trying to heal, so is he. And you’ve had more time to come to terms with your illness, he may be unwilling to accept it. He may just need someone to be angry with in order to get the process started.
When it comes to healing you need to take him out of the equation. You need to be selfish when it comes to taking care of yourself. Now that doesn’t mean you need to stop taking care of him, it just means that you need to separate the two, your healing and his.
You are right though, you are misunderstood, as is everyone of us suffering from this ridiculous illness. But that’s okay. Everyone is misunderstood in some way shape or form. I mean do you really understand why guys find the need to buy big cars more often than they change their underwear? Totally misunderstood!
If I had one little piece of advice it’s please don’t live a secret life. You are who you are and there is NOTHING to be ashamed of. Would you be ashamed of having diabetes? Don’t be afraid to be who you are just because you have an illness. Be proud of who you are. Like you said, you’re a survivor!!! And with time, you’re son will be too.
As for your sister, maybe you two can spend some time together where you can educate her a little bit about bipolar disorder. Maybe with more knowledge she’d understand better what you are going through.
I hope this helped. If you have more questions, please do NOT hesitate to ask!