Or is that a rhetorical question?
I don’t complain much about money if I can help it … I am mostly to blame for most of my money troubles in the first place. Past poor financial decisions always come back to haunt you, and on a fairly regular basis.
HOWEVER, these past three years have been spent trying to recover from our idiocy as young adults. Because of this, it becomes so frustrating when when money becomes an issue. It’s like, “Okay! We’re really working hard here! Can we get a frockin break already!?!?!”
This week alone we’ve had BOTH our cars take a crap on us, one needed new brakes, the other a fuel pump. I mean really? BOTH cars in one week.
Then an account that we cancelled billed us anyways … UGH And sure they refunded … which will be in our account in 7 to 10 days of course.
It feels like no matter how hard we word to get ahead, we just keep falling two more steps behind.
Thus this week has been spend quite down in the dumps. I’ve wrestled with blaming myself, blaming my husband, blaming the universe.
For the first time in YEARS I actually felt like giving up. Not on life or anything … just on trying. What’s the point right? Sure things will work out and they will get better, but won’t they just get worse again? There has got to be a way to alter that cycle, or at the very least, can the better times just last a WEE bit longer than the worse ones?
All this. All these thoughts. All this angst. All this melancholy.
And only one thing to blame.
Money!
Money is one of the worst triggers for me. It was actually part of what put me in the hospital 4 years ago. I know they say money can’t buy happiness … but it sure as hell helps AID in our happiness! Because I know for a fact that it can buy UNhappiness! (And at the AMAZING price of FREE!)
How about you? Is money a trigger for your moods? Is it a tiny trigger, or one of the biggest?
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*disclaimer* I KNOW that I shouldn’t be upset because I do have many things to be grateful for. Unfortunately, when triggered into a depression from money or the lack there of, it is so hard to remember that it could be worse. It’s not a selfish thing or a ungrateful issue. It’s an issue of my brain being unable to comprehend that there is anything worse than RIGHT NOW. Not one of my finer qualities … I know *disclaimer*
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Kris
September 17, 2011
9:26 am
It is a HUGE trigger for my husband. Especially since he tends to want to spend, spend, spend when he is depressed and/or manic. Since he is extremely rapid cycling at times this happens quiet often. And when there is not much money left at the end of the month after bills are paid and he went on a spending spree it then turns back into another depressive episode. At times it seems like a never ending cycle that we are working hard on to get out of.
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Marybeth Reply:
September 17th, 2011 at 9:34 am
Both my husband and I are spenders. It makes for a very difficult financial future. Though I’ve been creative about it and take my shopping sprees to garage sales and resale stores. You spend less and you get WAY more! LOL
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nana10x
September 18, 2011
8:43 am
Money seems to be an issue and/or “trigger” in most people’s lives, especially during economic downturns. However, my observation over time has been that often, those with BPD have a unique relationship with money that can border on the diabolical! Just living with the disorder itself can create an economic disadvantage from having to switch jobs and take “breaks” from the workforce. Often seems like we’re never going to catch up with the rest of society, no matter how educated or talented we might be. Add in the budgetary mistakes made while balancing between the “highs and lows” of BPD and the ladder can almost seem too high to climb. Keeping things simple can reduce some of the stress related to money, and having someone we trust to double check some of our spending choices might be a good strategy to consider. I post reminders and affirmations on the fridge where I view them frequently. Not feeling like I have to “keep up” with my peers is one of them. “Love people, not things is another.” Weighing that new sofa against money in the bank for emergencies is something I don’t like to think about, but experience can be a harsh teacher! It’s all a learning process that can be discouraging at times, but if we look around….others are struggling with the same rotten luck. Tomorrow, it will be different!
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