He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

My boyfriend was diagnosed with bipolar back in February. I’ve been with him throughout the entire hospital period and we’ve been together for almost a year. He told me how much he loved me and everything was so perfect and today out of nowhere he said he didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to be with me. When I tried confronting him about it he just laughed. I’m not too sure where to go from here because even his parents say he’s manic and he’s gone off his meds. I’m really just not sure where to go from here?

You sound like a very loving and compassionate girlfriend and he is very lucky to have you by his side. Bipolar is a tricky disorder and can be confusing to the person going through the mood change. I suggest that if he comes back, meaning if you two haven’t broken up, suggest to him therapy for the both of you. Let him know you want to understand where he is coming from when he says he doesn’t love you anymore, is that what he’s really implying or is it something else. Sometimes people with bipolar feel guilty and feel as if they need to let their loved ones go, so their companion or mate can have a chance at being happy.

The one thing you both will need are tools on how to deal with being in a relationship where bipolar is present. He may very well be manic and when he comes back down will most likely come back and apologize. He may not even remember saying he didn’t love you. You seem to have a lot of patience with him and I hope things will work out for you both.

Remember to take care of yourself first, this relationship may end up becoming unhealthy for you if this becomes a pattern for him. Again getting the tools you both need to cope with his bipolar by getting therapy and definitely medicine management will be key to ensure  a successful relationship.

7 thoughts on “He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

  1. I had a boyfriend who was hypomanic and the first few years were pure bliss. After 2 years we started on a cycle of he didn’t want me, then 10 days later he couldn’t live without me and was madly in love again. This went on and really crashed and burned when I moved in with him. There were a couple of times moving in and out, and everything was up-in-the-air. It became a very tiresome cycle and I guess you could say in year 4, it was time to just walk away and get off the rollercoaster. I still think about the good times today almost 10 years later, and sometimes the bad.
    No one can possibly maintain constant ups and downs, control issues and knocks to one’s spirit. These are the building blocks of what makes us, and under NO circumstances, do I recommend ever giving up your self-worth to help another person. If you are NOT strong, you possibly can’t help another with their dilema.
    Be strong/ Keep Happy/ Look Forward/ Enjoy each moment.
    Tigercat.

  2. I live with someone right now who is bipolar and we’ve been together since 2010. I love this girl with all my heart and since we’ve gotten together it’s been challenging. The first year involved a lot of vacillating on her part and continuous break ups and coming back. A bipolar’s emotions are so intense, and because of this their love can be very intoxicating. There’s a lot of love between the both of us and it’s what has kept us going and fighting for this relationship.

    The hardest part is when there’s a mood change and she “goes away”. If you don’t understand this then it’s easy to take personal and it can crush your heart. I’ve had to learn her and learn the moods, and if this happens I know now not to take it so personal. I know that in a short time she’ll be back.

    As Christine said in her response, it takes a lot of work and equipping yourself with the right tools. I’m fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who is aware enough to know what she needs to do and has a strong desire to understand her bipolar. We have to remind ourselves that this is bigger than us and that working as a team will help us stay strong and keep our love alive, even when bipolar tries to “steal” it.

  3. I just went through the same thing. My ex has moved on and it hurts soo much. I do believe he loves me but, I feel like the illness has come between us. This is the second time we’ve split. Our first seperation was due to my lack of education about the illness. I simply didnt know he was struggling with the disorder and would react unjustly to his behavior. I believe this is why we are always in a “flip flop” state. Maybe it could be the disorder. I just want him to understand that I love him for him and am willling to adjust to the behavior that comes with the disorder. However, it is really hard. I get so upset when I see him speaking to other females. It feels like I’ve lost my chance to love him. I would do anything to have it back. We will be living together soon and working on raising our newborn child. This worries me as well. I hope the circumstances don’t make us even more distant.

  4. I’m about to move in with my manic ex. I’m starting to question if I’m strong enough to stay with the constant ups and downs. It is really tiring and disheartning. It’s wearing me out… physically and emotionally. How did you cope?

  5. I have a daughter in law who is to be bipolar. If she don’t like something we do. She calls our family members to tell them bad things so they will hate us.

    She has been with my son for 8 years now . We have made everything to understand her. That I saw a phyc. doc to help me understand why she attacks us all the time and she said that this person dose not have bipolar. She is just a mean person.

    This time she is mad at us cause she has lost her appt. and now has to go live with her mom. She let us know bye email.She said she was finally going back home. She has great family and friends and willl be happy there. So I ans. “Soory to see you, I am happy you will be happy , you do have great family and friend Good luck”
    She called me and was mad my son didn’t call me before she posted on FB. I told her that was ok , If this is what you want to do , Good luck… She then called my daughter to tell her we were school girl for not calling when we saw it posted.And we had a change to take them in last year when they were to lose there other appt.
    We said no .They needed to do this on their own ,cause the are old enough to do this. Also they made good money.. They just have bad chooses .
    Now cause she is mad she is calling my family members to hurt them.Just alright mean…. Is this bipolar??????
    She hurts me all the time in this way… I have help them money wise, babysitting,Just beinging there as they need it.
    My daughter has told her things that she didn’t want people to know ,and when she was mad at us,cause my son old girlfriend talk to us. Called me to tell all the secerts that my daughter told her.. This is what she dose when she is mad at you. She just wants to hurt you baddddddddd. Please help me to see if she bipolar or just a bad person….

  6. Pingback:Ask A Bipolar |

  7. My best friend of 30 years is having a manic episode. She had depression a year ago and now this manic phase. She is shutting me out of her life and I can feel that she hates me. What am I supposed to do, she refuses to talk to me… I miss my friend and don’t know what to do.

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