The holidays are always difficult for me. It seems like one (or both) of my little girls is always missing from the festivities because she is with her daddy. Then there is the inevitable family get-togethers that I have to face, watching everyone else with their own families while mine is missing. Sometimes I never feel so alone than in a room at the holidays filled with my family. If that makes any sense. This year is especially difficult because you see there is someone new in my life. Something I thought would never happen again has. I thought I would never find another man to give my heart to who would not only want it but accept it the way it is, beaten and broken and ill. But He does want it and accepts it, not only does he want my heart he wants all of me, every part of me and how can I not acknowledge that and be Thankful for that. So this year I have something new to be thankful for, Acceptance and the possibility of love. However he is spending Thanksgiving out of state with his family too so again I am left alone.
However I have more to be thankful for. I am also thankful for the financial blessings I have received this year. I have been blessed enough to be able to take care of me and my two girls as a single mother without having to struggle to terribly bad and that is truly a gift from God. I am thankful for my health & stability at the moment, although it wavers and the holidays present many triggers for me for the most part I’m holding my own. I am also thankful for having both my daughters in my life, both of their stories are truly miracles from God that I won’t get into but I am thankful and blessed and I am also thankful for their health and wellbeing. I am thankful for the family I was born into, although it may get a little crazy at times I couldn’t dream of a better family to have. I have acquired a new house this year, I am thankful for the opportunity to be able to do that and finding just the right home for my little family.
Tomorrow is going to be a hard day. Like I said, one of my girls is missing. My youngest little girl left Monday night going to Illinois w/ her daddy (we live in TN) to visit her grandpa & grandma. My honey left Monday night also going to Florida to visit his family for the holidays. I started missing them both the minute they left. They will both be back sometime Sunday. So this week preparing for this difficult holiday has been, well…..difficult, and stressful. But my holidays are always stressful, nothing new here. I still have a lot to be thankful for and I will try to focus on the good tomorrow. I still have my oldest daughter with me to celebrate and I still have so much In my life to be thankful for. So maybe tomorrow won’t be so bad, either way, I’ll put on my happy face.