My Boyfriend with BP is pulling away? What do I do?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now.  He was self admitted to the hospital prior to us entering our relationship.  he was given meds but never diagnosed.  We have talked about the possibility of him being manic.  He agreed at the time that that’s what he thought.  We have an amazing relationship, he is like no other person I have ever met.  I love him more than anything and want this relationship to work.

We have had a rocky road, these past couple of weeks.

He was in a car accident which really shook him up.  H e ended up asking me to take him to see a psychiatrist because he didn’t know how to deal with what he was feeling.  When I found him he was in fetal position in bed, shaking and rocking, unable to complete a sentence.  After seeing the doctor she told him that he has “shell shock” and could possibly be having a manic episode.

A little background info… two weeks prior to this he has been in one of his low’s and has been talking to other women online, texting inappropriate things to others.  Pushing me away, telling me things like “I don’t feel that I love you”, “This is my life, and I want to walk it alone”, “This has been an amazing adventure, but now its time to move on to my next”.

He wants to be alone in his room all day, playing video games, because as he states “my reality is so much more imaginative and creative.  In the real world there is no creativity”.

He says things to me that I don’t believe, because of how great our relationship is.  He used to tell me that he “uncontrollably loves me” and now I haven’t heard it in 3 weeks.  When I tell him that I love him, he says I am manipulating his way of thinking.

I am willing to walk through this with him, and want to always be by his side.  I have done tremendous amounts of research on manic depression and BP disorder (which walk hand in hand).  He continues to push me away and tell me “cynical” (his word) things.  That he doesn’t want to be with me, rarely answers my texts or calls me.  BUT… when he feels lonely, or needs help with something he calls me.

I need some help understanding the thoughts, the lack of feelings, lack of emotion.  And I guess his persistence in pushing me out of his life.

I want to be there in whatever capacity I am needed.  In hopes that his love of me will come back.  Right now when I ask if he loves me he says he doesn’t know.  He says sometimes he feels it and others he does not.  And then when he does feel the love it is so far back in his mind that he doesn’t think its like it used to be.

So with all of that said… I guess my question is: Is this temporary, will he come back, Or will these feelings he has always remain in his thoughts.  I have joined many support groups with many of the stories sounding like mine.  But still I don’t understand the way the highs and lows work.

Thank you so very much for any advice or direction you can give me to walk this path with the love of my life.

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This is such a hard question. I was talking to my husband about it trying to get his perspective on dealing with me while I was pushing him away. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you.

Loving someone who is bipolar is very difficult, especially when you don’t know if it’s them or the bipolar telling you what their feelings are. I mean overall their feelings are their feelings and I can assure you that is how they feel at the moment they express it, however, it is not to say that’s how they would feel if they were in a more stable point with their mood. (I hope I didn’t confuse you with that)

I myself have gone through many ups and downs with my husband. We’ve been together for 11 years now and married 9 years this coming Tuesday. So even when I wanted to walk away from him, I had a lot more at stake. Had we not been married I probably would have left him a long time ago, though I’m glad I didn’t. I too have told him that “I just don’t know if I love you anymore” and “I don’t think I ever loved you” and at moments I’ve even told him that I hate him. Granted we had a very rocky relationship and sometimes those feelings were backed up by his actions. (Relationships still go two ways…even if one person is ill.)

Still he stuck by me, even while I was in the hospital or in massive lows and completely hating him. However he did his best to give me my space. Which is what it sounds like your BF might need right now. It’s obvious by his actions that he does love you. He trusts you and comes to you when he needs someone. (in a friend capacity it sounds like, not so much the other needs) Unfortunately the only thing that will heal this situation is time. (Time is a fickle biatch!)

I would step aside at the moment. Let him have his space. And let him come back to you. Unless he is willing to seek treatment, there is nothing you can do to help him out of his low. Everything he thinks right now is going to be negative. Be there for him when he needs you, but don’t push him.

I realize this is all MUCH easier said than done. It’s hard to say if he will change his mind about your relationship. But this is what he’s feeling at this moment. You have a hard decision to make. You can either choose to stick with him and give him his space right now, but wait till he’s ready to come back to you. Or you can continue being his friend, but move forward with your own life.

If I could make a suggestion I would say stick with him for awhile. Give him his space. Focus on you right now. Give it a few months and see what happens. Do his feelings change? Are they the same? Is he going back and forth between them? After these questions have been answered you can reevaluate the situation and make a more informed decision at that point.

I hoped this helped in some capacity. Please do not hesitate to email me back with any more questions. And sorry for not emailing you back sooner. I’ve been out of town all weekend. Good luck with your situation. We are totally here for you if you need support!!!

23 thoughts on “My Boyfriend with BP is pulling away? What do I do?

  1. I have done the same thing…push men away in prior relationships.
    They weren’t meant to be though.
    This answer really hits home. I had perceived in an irrational state of mind, that my husband was not being supportive. I sent him a somewhat accusing txt. He told me he loves ALL of me & that includes the bipolar. So yes, we do sometimes push away those we love most.
    Very insightful answer to a very tough question.
    As always, great job MB =]

  2. I went through a period of time where I was pushing my husband away like this because I felt that I didn’t deserve to be loved. It’s true that we take our feelings out on those we care about and trust the most. I think I knew deep down he would never leave, but still I kept pushing. I think it was because I felt that he deserved more than a life with someone that was manic all the time. Now that I am more stable, I have not been pushing him away emotionally any more. But I do understand. Be patient and know that he does love you, and perhaps loves you so much that this is why he is doing this.

  3. Hello everyone,

    I am really new to this website but i have found all the information extremely helpful.

    My boyfriend (well i should say ex now really) has just broke up with me and i can relate to the story above completely. Although my ex was never diagnosed with BP, but he always suspect himself to be. he would behave very hyper one minute and burst into tears the next. During the 7 months we were together, I have been through a few up and down with him. About 2 months ago, he started to withdraw and told me that it feels like he is slipping into a bad episode of depression again. I tried to convince him to go to see a doctor or therapist, but he just didn’t want to know. he said if he concentrate on work, then he will get out of it eventually just like he has done it before… I don’t suffer from depression or BP so it was kind of difficult for me to really understand what he was going through, but I tried to be as supportive and patient as I could.

    He wanted to spend the Christmas and New Year holiday together, so I went to his place and stayed with him for 2 weeks. Although he said by having me there with him, he felt so much better about Christmas and New Year (he is usually very low during that time of the year, some bad things happened to him 3 years ago on new year eve), we didn’t really do anything together. He was on xbox pretty much all the time. eventually I got a bit fed up and we had an argument. He then broke up with me. He said the argument made him realise that he is not the right person for me as he cant give me what I want. He told me that he hates his life and he has nothing to give to me. If I stay with him, he will drag me down and hurt me even more in the future. He think I can find someone else who has everything I want already so I have less to complain about. He needs to sort his life out first, he hate his life as he is 25 and still live at home, has only got a part time job and still hasn’t sorted out going to university. He is under so much stress, although he knows where he wants to be, but the goal just seems so far away from him. He said he cant be happy unless he achieve all the goals…

    I told him that all I want is him and I was sorry that I put pressure on him to give me more than he could offer. But I do love him with all my heart and will wait for him. He obviously didn’t want me to wait and said it’s not fair. He told me he wants to be friends and he cares about me so much. He was crying when he broke up with me and kept saying he was sorry… it really broke my heart seeing him like that. I ask him to let me be there for him, and he said ‘how’? he said we are not together anymore…

    I really don’t want to walk away from him but I don’t know what I can do to support him. My question is that how can I show him that I am there for him and I want to stick by him through thick and thin? It’s been 4 days since we broke up and he hasn’t been in touch. I am so scared to contact him just in case he doesn’t want me to, but if I don’t contact him, how would he know I am thinking about him and want to be there for him?

    All of his ex girlfriends has cheated on him and treated him quite badly, when we first got together, he always say to me that no one has ever cared about him like the way I do… I cant tell if he is pushing me away like this just to prove that he is not worthy, but deep down, he really want me to wait for him and ‘fight’ for him?

    I feel so confused and I would be most grateful if someone could maybe shed a light on what does the ‘push-awayers’ really think…

    Thank you so so so much in advance.

    Love
    Danni

  4. Danni,

    Glad you have found our site helpful!!! I’m going to do a wee bit of digging from some of my contacts to see if I can get a better grasp on what you are looking for. I have some ideas, but I want to be sure 🙂

    Again, welcome to the site. We are super excited to have you!

    Marybeth

  5. Dear Marybeth,

    Thank you so much for your kind help. I am most grateful. I am so glad that i found the website.

    best
    Danni

  6. I stumbled upon this website and am very much in the same boat as Danni. I just want to do the right thing. When someone who is obviously suffering pushes you away… how do you know when it is time to give them the space they are asking for… or better to surround their fears with unwaivering love….

  7. Wow, this all sounds so familiar. I’ve been dating this guy for 10 months now and it’s been a roller coaster ride from 2 weeks into the relatiionship. I clearly remember about 3 weeks into the relationship, laying in his arms and him telling me he has never been able to talk to anyone as easily as he had me. Then the next day, he showed up at my house in tears, said it needed to end early on. He said everything that’s good doesn’t last, so he wanted to end things based on the reasoning that it was too good. Boy, did that ever play with my head! After 2 marriages, at 40 years old I had thought I found the love of my life. I have never been an affectioniate person but suddenly I was with him. It helped me realize that it wasn’t something I couldn’t do, it was just something I couldn’t do with my ex. Well, being head over heels for this guy, I cried for several days..then he ask me out, like nothing had ever happened. I was really confused at that point. He had told me his dad is disabled, diagnosed biopolar and schitifrenic. He had never talked to any one professional but knows he probably has some of the same characteristics. Well then I started doing my “homework”. Mental illness is not stranger to me. My 1st husand and son are extremely OCD, to the point of not functioning without medication. So I felt I could “make my new boy friend better”..I had all the tools and knowledge and love to do this. ha So I thought. For months I’ve just dealt with the game of tug a war..being pushed away & pulled back. At first the breakups would be nasty, he would say hurtful things..then we progressed to “I’m in a weird mood” and when he said that I knew it was “his time”. Through each breakup I’d cry and my 18 year old daughter would be like Mom, don’t cry, give it a day or 2 he will be back. Then the time in between started getting longer and longer and many hurtful things have been done and said. That he wasn’t attracted to me sexually, that I’m not the 1 for him, and during a recent Cancer scare for me, he was totally not there to support me. So at that point, I hit rock bottom and thought I care about him enough to approach the subject of him getting some help..thinking what do I have to loose. Prior to this, everytime I wanted to bring it up, I just couldn’t. If he was “down” there was no logical reasoning with him…and when he was on a “up”, things were the best between us and I didn’t want to risk ruining the good times, considering they had gotten few and far between. So I approached the conversation head on, he was very open to the idea..said he has avoided it, in fear of being diagnosed the same as his father. That was over 8 weeks ago. He has now had 3 therapy sessions. Seems to be very open to the help but I don’t think was put on any medication and continues to distance himself from me. At times I try to remind myself the stuff he does and says is his bipolar but then I start questioning myself..am I really that unattractive..am I pushing myself on him. Within the past 2 weeks, he told me we need a “break”..a permanent break actually, so he can clear his head while he’s seeing his “head dr”. All my family has had it with him..the way he treats me etc. My own counselor said this is the life I will live if I decide to stay with him. Why..oh why, do I want to be by his side. A close friend of mine said I’m in love with the man I want him to be because theres no way I could possibly love the man he is to me…and all this so early in a relationship. So I made the conscience decision to not initate any contact with him..and 2 days into the “break”, he text me. He starts acting all normal..which lead me to wanting to spend time together, then when I do mention hanging out..he reacts with all these rules…no overnights, no sex etc. Funny thing is last Friday night after a 2-3 days break, we went out..with strict rules from him of NO SEX..Saturday morning, we wake up in my bed..NOT HIS..I have my pjs on and he is buck naked. All I could do was laugh..who had rules? I finally ask him why this rule…he said it’s best not to go there, it’s too hurtful. The one time he started to go there, he said he is not attracted to me, never was. BUT I think back to us meeting and it’s was only 10 months ago, I haven’t changed that much..he was the one that approached me! I am just so confused. I’m 40, both kids in college..this is my time for me. I am more than willing to be by his side as with any physical illness but his bipolar is sucking the life out of me. I am to a point of walking away…and I could do it, but when he initates contact, I melt..and back on the roller coast I go…very well knowing it won’t last. I truly wish I didn’t love him. I’ve read so many different things, some say run like hell! LMAO When he pushes me away..do I just go away? I am very independant, we dont live together and had no plans of that. We even openly joke about him being bipolar..he had a 2 day trip to OC planned with his daughter..and at the last minute she wasn’t going to be able to do..when he mentioned me going I said heck no, half way across the Bay Bridge, you may decide “your not feeling it” and put me out. It’s easy to go a few days off..then on but 10 months and we are no farther ahead than we were a month into this. And we can’t make any plans beyond what he’s feeling in the moment! Am I wasting my time? He says since his divorce, (his ex-wife left him for another man)he hasn’t kept a relationship going this long..he said either he pushes them away much earlier & they stay away or they run like hell at the first sign of this. So he has to know I care but in some ways, I wonder does he just think I’m weak. Some people that don’t know the illness, say i’m too quick to run back when he wants me..that if I tried to play hard to get a bit..he’d hang on. Wow, it felt good to type all that! : )
    HELP! Suggestions?!?!?!

  8. I have been with my bipolar over 2 years now. Well on and off. Lol!
    I’ve some things that have helped me tremendously. It has made me a better person and really has made our relationship a hundred times better. I did this by focusing on my attitude and changing my way of thinking. I have increased my self-esteem and quit always focusing on him and his needs. I quit taking things he said personal also. So when he said that he didn’t want to see me again the last time, I just said ok. Have a nice life. Went on and didn’t let it bother me. Well, it worked. That was 6 months ago. I keep learning about bipolar, but also focus on myself which in turn has changed our relationship for the better 180 degrees in the other direction. It’s awesome!

  9. hello everyone, I’m new to the Bipolar Disorder world. I’m in relationship with a man with BPD for few months already. before we started this relationship, he told me that he’s bipolar. He always told me that 3 positive things in his life are his music, me and reading books and among all of them I’m the most important. but he seems to push me away and said he spent too long of his time for me, that he just wants to be alone. I try to give him the space but I’m afraid that he’s gonna leave me. I love him so much and I don’t wanna lose him.

  10. I have been with my bp boyfriend for five years. I was married to a normal man for 34 years but he died in 2007. I never thought I could love another…. But I love my boyfriend so much I can hardly stand it!!! He is un medicated. He cycles weekly. His level of anger is always more intense than the so called crime. When he is sweet it is heaven. He loves and laughs one moment….. Then is triggered and hates my guts…. Blames me for everything wrong in his life. People wonder how I can stand this!! Well it is hard. I am isolated from others now even my family. But I read and hope and know that this is brain chemistry and is NOT his fault. To read other accounts helps me have hope… Or sometimes makes me feel hopeless. The amazing thing to me is the similarity of the behavior. The promiscuity part terrifies me more than everything. We need more understanding about the complexity of the brain. It could literally change mankind for the better. Thank you for any insite. My level of drinking has increased and I have seen a therapist for two years just to try to cope. I am not without fault… I have become frustrated. I am human

  11. Hello Nina, I am also new to the bipolar world and also in a relationship with a bp man. When I first met him he also told me that he was bp. I have heard of people with bp but never dated a man with bp. Anyways he took me through the same thing. The first 3 months we dated was wonderful, and then he came to me one evening to break up!(on new years eve)I cried and didn’t understand. But then I told him we could be friends,I didn’t want to loose him he was the nicest and sweetest man I have ever met. I did my research on bp disorder. He has told me so many times the reason why we couldn’t see each other,but I was patient with him, and I told him the reasons why we could. It is hard breaking up with someone you love over and over again but I knew I loved him! I always manage to talk to him and give him space. He even when as far as cheating,meeting other women online,(Bp also involves promiscuity)But I had to put my foot down on that one! I told him that I can except his bp but not the cheating. I had to confront him and let him know more about his own illness because he thought it was just him being a man! NOt lol. But once I talked to him, he got nerves but he started to learn about himself. There are day when I think he is not coming back but he always does. You have to decide if you want to stick it out with him. Be patient,don’t focus on him too much. Send him little love notes to let him know your still there. Things will get easier because you will soon know his patterns.

  12. My boyfriend of a year this Monday is in a depressive episode due to his medication being maxed out and not working about a month ago. Since then, I haven’t seen him and barely heard from him except for a few exchanged texts and one phone call when it all began. He was talking in circles saying his meds weren’t working and he hated feeling like this and that he needed to see his doctor asap. It scared me and since it’s the first major mood swing so far, I didn’t know how to help. All I could say is I love you. He responded by saying I was going to think he’s an idiot and leave him. I said I wasn’t going anywhere and I love him. That was a little over a month ago. His family keep telling me to give him his space and said he’s barely talking to them too. About two weeks ago he was put on a new med (he texted me that he went to the doc). I’ve been giving him his space, even though it’s been the awful not being able to help. I did ask him the other day how he’s doing and he replied with, “a liitle better. Thank you for asking, how are you?” I had no idea what to tell him. The last thing I want to do is burden him with my feelings and stress him out. Our relationship has been wonderful, not perfect,but still wonderful. I wouldn’t change it for anything. We’ve talked about marriage and children a few times in the past year and he always tells me how much he loves me and that I am his best friend. Until a month ago, we would talk every night before bed about our days and we’d end by saying I love you to one another. This being apart and giving him space is so difficult. We’ve never gone this long. I’m scared he doesn’t want me in his life anymore. Bottom line is that I don’t know where I stand right now. What I do know is our 13 year friendship, along with our year long relationship is something I still want. I’m not ready to throw in the towel….

  13. Hi, how are things going? I am not sure if my bf is bipolar but i am pretty sure he is undiagnosed. Im giving him space after he had some kind of angry moodswing in november snd broke up with me via text. Im im alot of emotional turmoil. I can barely concentrate on anything. I get a response from him every 2 weeks when i text but thats it. I know he is in a depressed phase. One thing thats odd is that for the longest time he held onto my stuff and when i asked for it back in december he really fought to return it almost like he wanted to keep it till he snapped out of isolation so he would have an excuse to see me in a few months. Am i being hopeful that there could be reconciliation in a few months? How can i reach out to him without making him angry or feel smothered? I cant move on. The cold cut off is killing me.

  14. Oh my! Please help! I am living the exact same thing!
    I could really, really use your help/ advice.
    My 7 years husband is on a manic episode. He really is on a roller coster at the moment., probably even going through a mid life crisis too.

    We have just moved house, he has increased his JOB responsibilities and has started a band (he is also looking into buying a motorcycle).

    About 2 weeks ago he told me not to take things personally as things were really confusing for him at the moment., and then a week later he sprung me with “I love you but I am not in love with you”/ “probably never loved you like that”.

    I did all my research and know this is “normal”, so I wrote him a letter explaining to give it some time and to remind him what he had said to me. I promised to work on our issues but he won’t have it. He wants to be responsible of me and our two year old son and to be good friends (as he still loves me) but suddenly he has realized that he has missed that falling in love intensity “sun in the stomach” with someone (no – one in the picture, just he wants that romance and passion) and he isn’t sure that he ever had that fire for me.

    I’m really confused.

    Is this a temporary thing that we can’t see cause of what he is going through or is it for real?

    I’d love some insight. I am devastated. I know it is pretty difficult to know if it is temporary and he will come back (I mean, I honestly thought we were not great but fine…). He thinks is for good. 🙁

  15. HI I completely understand what you are going through, I have been dating someone for nearly 2 months and we have completely fallen for each other, he has only just recently turned around and told me he has bipolar and is trying his best to push me away. I am not someone who gets pushed away easily and through thick and thin I want to stick by him but he doesn’t believe he is good enough for me. He is not letting me see him and is being closed off, what can I do

  16. Thx so much for ur sharing … I think I needa treat my BP bf (hopefully he still treat me as gf?)like how u treat urs? So u guys are still together ?

  17. Yes. That’s his pattern!!! I totally understand now Well, we on and off since last Fall. I’m not sure if he still love me ??

  18. well ..Im having the same problem
    my bf and I have been together more than 5.5 years..well, last year he diagnosed BP..and things changed so terribly ~ he pushed me away and telling me he didnt wanan be with me anymore..he used to be soo in love with me~ cared me on everything~ we are liked couple and lived together~~
    well.he changed so much last year ignored me ..pushed me away (even he knew im the only one who understand and love him )
    on and off almost a year~ i dont know i should take it personal or becoz of his BP disorder?
    he’s a musician and he is always an negative person and he gives himself tons of pressure on work `
    sigh.. i dont know what should i do now
    give up? few days ago. he txt me telling that he dont want me to bother him and dont even wanan b friend with me? i m hurt!

  19. well ..Im having the same problem
    my bf and I have been together more than 5.5 years..well, last year he diagnosed BP..and things changed so terribly ~ he pushed me away and telling me he didnt wanan be with me anymore..he used to be soo in love with me~ cared me on everything~ we are liked couple and lived together~~
    well.he changed so much last year ignored me ..pushed me away (even he knew im the only one who understand and love him )
    on and off almost a year~ i dont know i should take it personal or becoz of his BP disorder?
    he’s a musician and he is always an negative person and he gives himself tons of pressure on work `
    sigh.. i dont know what should i do now
    give up? few days ago. he txt me telling that he dont want me to bother him and dont even wanan b friend with me? i m hurt!

  20. well ..Im having the same problem
    my bf and I have been together more than 5.5 years..well, last year he diagnosed BP..and things changed so terribly ~ he pushed me away and telling me he didnt wanan be with me anymore..he used to be soo in love with me~ cared me on everything~ we are liked couple and lived together~~
    well.he changed so much last year ignored me ..pushed me away (even he knew im the only one who understand and love him )
    on and off almost a year~ i dont know i should take it personal or becoz of his BP disorder?
    he’s a musician and he is always an negative person and he gives himself tons of pressure on work `
    sigh.. i dont know what should i do now
    give up? few days ago. he txt me telling that he dont want me to bother him and dont even wanan b friend with me? i m hurt!

  21. Hello, everyone! How are you all? I am going through the same scenario as many of you, here on this post. My bf and I are both in our forties and have known each other almost a year now, have been intimate for the last 4 months, but only since the beginning of January, declared ourselves “a couple”. He was soo affectionate and adoring the first two weeks,then he had a meltdown, but bounced back somewhat quickly, altering our relationship slightly by going from calling me baby and babe to buddy or friend. Then we went to a party together, where he stuck to me like glue until he got enough liquor in him (he self-mediates with alcohol and marajuana), and acted like he didn’t know me pretty much for the rest of the evening..I should’ve known another episode was coming about! I couldn’t talk to him on the way home because he was so inebriated, couldn’t reason with him at all and he said I wanted too much too soon! No,he’s navigated every progression of our relationship, not me! He asked me to stay the night, I agreed, even though I wasn’t feeling well..I stayed with him till he fell asleep and left his place at around
    5 a.m., went home and got on my heating pad. Around 10 a.m., I awoke to 2 text messages: “As usual,you just leave.” And, “Wish you the best”. So, I put some jeans on and boots, returning to his place…I, unfortunately, woke him up. He said he was hungry and sent me out for Mexican take away and to get him a gallon of milk. I think he’s also experiencing some paranoia because he asked me if I missed my turn (which I did) or if I was coming from somewhere else? I told him I missed the turn, which was the truth; I never run his errands alone and I got turned around. We ate lunch, I then went outside to smoke a cigarette and tried to finish an online school assignment whilst outside, came back in, and he wanted to know what I’d been doing outside on my phone. Again, I told him the truth. He then stated he wanted to be alone and I was making him feel uncomfortable. I was flabbergasted! He was so one monotone with his voice and unfeeling towards me…what did I do wrong??!!! I’m in love with this man and I have tried so hard to be understanding. He phoned me 2 days later and I let him have it! Probably not the best thing to do, but I can’t have pms for a few days, NO, the focus always has to be on him! To hell with how I feel, right!! He said we were fine and that communication is good and that we’re fine, nothing has changed. That was almost a week ago..he said again he needs to be alone but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about me. I’m a happy person by nature; I don’t get depressed! But the ups and downs of this relationship has depressed me on occasion and for the past week, almost every day! I’ve decided not to send him anymore inspirational quotes or messages for a while. I don’t think that it does any good. In fact, I feel it’s doing more harm than good this week. Best to let him miss me, I hope??!!
    I’m at wits end!!! He’s driving absolutely crazy and I’m in nursing school, which he knows is important for both of us down the line. Where’s the empathy? Where’s my support? I just want my wants and needs to be acknowledged a small portion of the time. Up until last week, throughout my time knowing him, I have been very patient and understanding, but I think my emotions have been out of whack recently and I just couldn’t muster up enough for some reason. I’m an attractive woman with a good, kind heart; he thinks I’m the closest thing to an angel that he’s ever seen or met! And I don’t know, the way he treated me at that party the week before really got on my last nerve!! It was inexcusable and uncalled for! I’ve been worried out of my mind what he’s been up to this past week.. what if he’s been promiscuous?? There’s nothing I can do until he contacts me. I’m just going to put my entire focus on school right now; I’m on the dean’s list and I’m not going to allow him to interfere with that! But I love him so much…I feel like I’m dating a child at times though!!

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