My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. He was self admitted to the hospital prior to us entering our relationship. he was given meds but never diagnosed. We have talked about the possibility of him being manic. He agreed at the time that that’s what he thought. We have an amazing relationship, he is like no other person I have ever met. I love him more than anything and want this relationship to work.
We have had a rocky road, these past couple of weeks.
He was in a car accident which really shook him up. H e ended up asking me to take him to see a psychiatrist because he didn’t know how to deal with what he was feeling. When I found him he was in fetal position in bed, shaking and rocking, unable to complete a sentence. After seeing the doctor she told him that he has “shell shock” and could possibly be having a manic episode.
A little background info… two weeks prior to this he has been in one of his low’s and has been talking to other women online, texting inappropriate things to others. Pushing me away, telling me things like “I don’t feel that I love you”, “This is my life, and I want to walk it alone”, “This has been an amazing adventure, but now its time to move on to my next”.
He wants to be alone in his room all day, playing video games, because as he states “my reality is so much more imaginative and creative. In the real world there is no creativity”.
He says things to me that I don’t believe, because of how great our relationship is. He used to tell me that he “uncontrollably loves me” and now I haven’t heard it in 3 weeks. When I tell him that I love him, he says I am manipulating his way of thinking.
I am willing to walk through this with him, and want to always be by his side. I have done tremendous amounts of research on manic depression and BP disorder (which walk hand in hand). He continues to push me away and tell me “cynical” (his word) things. That he doesn’t want to be with me, rarely answers my texts or calls me. BUT… when he feels lonely, or needs help with something he calls me.
I need some help understanding the thoughts, the lack of feelings, lack of emotion. And I guess his persistence in pushing me out of his life.
I want to be there in whatever capacity I am needed. In hopes that his love of me will come back. Right now when I ask if he loves me he says he doesn’t know. He says sometimes he feels it and others he does not. And then when he does feel the love it is so far back in his mind that he doesn’t think its like it used to be.
So with all of that said… I guess my question is: Is this temporary, will he come back, Or will these feelings he has always remain in his thoughts. I have joined many support groups with many of the stories sounding like mine. But still I don’t understand the way the highs and lows work.
Thank you so very much for any advice or direction you can give me to walk this path with the love of my life.
Loving someone who is bipolar is very difficult, especially when you don’t know if it’s them or the bipolar telling you what their feelings are. I mean overall their feelings are their feelings and I can assure you that is how they feel at the moment they express it, however, it is not to say that’s how they would feel if they were in a more stable point with their mood. (I hope I didn’t confuse you with that)
I myself have gone through many ups and downs with my husband. We’ve been together for 11 years now and married 9 years this coming Tuesday. So even when I wanted to walk away from him, I had a lot more at stake. Had we not been married I probably would have left him a long time ago, though I’m glad I didn’t. I too have told him that “I just don’t know if I love you anymore” and “I don’t think I ever loved you” and at moments I’ve even told him that I hate him. Granted we had a very rocky relationship and sometimes those feelings were backed up by his actions. (Relationships still go two ways…even if one person is ill.)
Still he stuck by me, even while I was in the hospital or in massive lows and completely hating him. However he did his best to give me my space. Which is what it sounds like your BF might need right now. It’s obvious by his actions that he does love you. He trusts you and comes to you when he needs someone. (in a friend capacity it sounds like, not so much the other needs) Unfortunately the only thing that will heal this situation is time. (Time is a fickle biatch!)
I would step aside at the moment. Let him have his space. And let him come back to you. Unless he is willing to seek treatment, there is nothing you can do to help him out of his low. Everything he thinks right now is going to be negative. Be there for him when he needs you, but don’t push him.
I realize this is all MUCH easier said than done. It’s hard to say if he will change his mind about your relationship. But this is what he’s feeling at this moment. You have a hard decision to make. You can either choose to stick with him and give him his space right now, but wait till he’s ready to come back to you. Or you can continue being his friend, but move forward with your own life.
If I could make a suggestion I would say stick with him for awhile. Give him his space. Focus on you right now. Give it a few months and see what happens. Do his feelings change? Are they the same? Is he going back and forth between them? After these questions have been answered you can reevaluate the situation and make a more informed decision at that point.
I hoped this helped in some capacity. Please do not hesitate to email me back with any more questions. And sorry for not emailing you back sooner. I’ve been out of town all weekend. Good luck with your situation. We are totally here for you if you need support!!!