My Question … but not Really …

I asked a question on our facebook page the other day in regards to pushing away your significant others as a result of having bipolar disorder. I even went as far as to post the question on Reddit (One of my new favorite websites). The responses were pretty similar throughout. I mean it’s no secret; Relationships are HARD to maintain when your moods are all over the place. It’s pretty much to be expected.

I make it a habit to always put myself in other people’s shoes. (Not literally of course, because heaven knows I can never fit into anyone else’s shoes … well except my 9 yr old’s … but that’s neither here nor there) I like to look at things from everyone’s point of view, not just my own. And my question today does exactly that. It’s become common a common question for us, “What do I do when my significant other pushes me away?”. I’d like to say I have the answer to this, but to be honest, I don’t.

I think the main concern for our friends/family/significant others is whether or not they should give up on us.

Do we really want to push them away? Do we really want them to leave and never come back? Do we really want them to give up on us?

OR

Do we want them to keep fighting to keep us in their lives? Do we want them to hold on and wait for us to come back?

Is want even the right word here? I guess what we’re really looking for is, what do we NEED from them?

So therein lies my question.

What advice can we give those trying to hold on to us as we are pushing them away?

8 thoughts on “My Question … but not Really …

  1. Wow, I pushed EVERYONE away. I lost everything. The only people I have in my life now are my 2 daughters. My Mom, husband, brothers, friends,…. all found me to be too high maintenance with my bipolar, BPD & chronic severe depression. All gone out of my life. Don’t want anything to do with me. Hell, I don’t blame them. I’m sick of myself. Only difference is I can’t walk away from myself.
    I’m a classic BPD. Sabatoge all relationships and then sit there shaking my head asking what happened when they leave for good.
    In answer to your question,… YES, we push them away but we don’t want to. We want them to fight for us so we know they care enough to stay. (warped thinking but hey, I didn’t invent this disease, I just live with it)

  2. Yes, when I am not doing well I try to push my husband away, but it doesn’t work with him. He loves me unconditionally. Period! He knew about my condition when we got married and he studied it to understand me. I took a big, hard crash last October and he stood by me all the way. I kept trying to push him away saying I wasn’t worthy of him or the kids and I should well……we won’t go there.

    The truth of the matter is deep down inside I don’t want to push him away. But because I lack in self-esteem and self-worth I think that way. Like I said, I can try and push but it never works.

    BUT…..when it comes to my Dad’s side of the family, they think I am weird and have dumped me. Nobody wants anything to do with me because I am “crazy” and “insane”. However, but my Mom’s side of the family supports me 100%.

    I do not try and sabotage my relationships when I am doing well. Which, really, is pretty much most of the time. But the last four months have been very trying after the crash. Lots of mixed state, hypomania then crashing. I think I am finally getting back to my baseline where I feel good and have energy and thinking well. The last few days have been good. I savor these times and don’t take them for granted.

  3. Wow…I thought I was the only one that pushed people away. I am at a point in my life that I am absolutely saddened and fed up with myself. I ask myself all the time, “why can’t I just be happy with people and things around me.” I feel so alone and its because I don’t feel any real connection with family or friends anymore. What’s really scary is that I sometimes feel that disconnected feeling from my own children. I wish I felt stable and happy on a consistent basis!

  4. Unfortunately it’s a lot more common than you think. Especially during depressive episodes. Please let me know if you need to talk hon. I’m ALWAYS here for you!!!

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