I’d joined a contest where I submitted the first 250 words of my novel and was able to get it critiqued by others AND an agent. The feed back was great. The issues that were pointed out, super easy to fix. Overall, I should have been proud of it.
PDog got approved for SSI and will now be receiving Medicaid as well. Which means he can actually get ALL the help/meds/therapy he needs and I don’t have to worry how the heck I’m going to pay for that next appointment. I should have been super excited and relieved!
I took the kids to the inlaws for the weekend so my husband and I could go to the MSU Football game today and spend some time together. I should have been happy about this.
Did you pick up on the key word in all those situations? “Should”. I should’ve this and should’ve that.
But did I? No.
And do I have a reason why? No.
The day ended with me in bed reading at 7pm. ALONE. I’d started the day out lonely and ended the day ten times as lonely as it began. I know the tangible reason as to why my evening drooped, but was it an event that really deserved my to feel so hurt? You already know the answer don’t you?
Yesterday every tiny little negative comment sliced through me like a butcher knife. I was on the defensive side about everything, but I shared none of those thoughts with anyone, for fear of more negative reactions that I could not possibly handle.
All this to say … I’m hurting right now. Sure there a few tiny things bothering, but overall my life is pretty dang good. I’m on my meds, taking them at the same time every day. I’m exercising regularly, as in almost daily. It just doesn’t make sense.
I SHOULD feel fine. I SHOULD be happy. I SHOULD be living a life while reasonably content.
Ever feel this way? Ever hurt for things that you know are tiny, and possibly even somewhat your fault? Ever felt incredibly lonely even though you are surrounded by tons of people?
Or is this just another situation where I am completely alone?