We Ask a Question

It appears that this week was possessed by the evil spirits of depression and angst. I’m going to have an exorcism this evening to make sure we have a MUCH better week next week.

I suppose my week was actually filled with more stress and doubt than anything else. I’m an expert self-doubter. (Seriously, I’m considering putting it on my resume!) And when things go wrong I am convinced it’s my fault. I start scanning the used car ads for a big fat truck to make up for all the inadequacy I’m feeling.

And since everyone else was having a rough week and slightly MIA on the web, the inadequate feelings grew. I started thinking, “Oh crap, what did I do to piss them off?” and “Maybe I’m not writing interesting enough things.” I know the thoughts are irrational, but seriously…I was about to go to the garden and eat worms yesterday!

Which is where my question comes from today. When life forks off into the land of crap and time bombs, do you become a self-doubter? Does every little think exacerbate that self-doubt? Does your self esteem plummet to the point of semi-paranoia?

What say you friends? Educate me!

2 thoughts on “We Ask a Question

  1. Yes, and Yes! Oh, I guess I can elaborate, but being the self-doubter I am at times, I am doubting right now that what I have to say will add any value!! Haha

    After lots of therapy, I learned that my basic insecurities stem from a childhood trauma (duh) and I am learning to reprogram my brain. I am worthy and I am okay just the way I am.

    I can relate to the inadequate feelings and owning fault when things don’t go as I think they should. Whether at work or on my FB wall, if I say something that I think is funny and no one responds, I immediately start beating myself up. I even go so far as calling myself names that I would NEVER tolerate anyone else calling me!

    So how do I handle these bouts of semi-paranoia? I start by asking myself if what I am doing or saying is primarily for the good of me. Am I trying to feed my ego? If the answer is yes, shame on me and I drop any expectations…NOW. (I usually try to ask this BEFORE I take action, but sometimes things get by me. LOL) If I am doing or saying something for the good of someone else, and it goes unrecognized, I can tell myself that I am okay and maybe THEY are having an off day. The silence doesn’t mean that I am unworthy or anything negative. I have to remember that other people have BS in their lives just like I do.

    Facing my insecurities is a moment to moment task that does truly get easier every day. New habits are formed and as my awareness increases, my actions are more positive.

    I’m sorry this week was filled with yucky days for almost everyone. Today is a new day and I like “do-overs” :o)

    Thanks for being you, MB!! You are perfect just the way you are!!

    Peace and hugs,
    Patti

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