School’s out! School’s out! They wait for those words all year long. You make plans and lists of what you’re going to do to keep them busy for a whole 10 weeks, maybe longer depending on where you live. It’s hectic and crazy. Kids running around all day playing and yelling but you wouldn’t have it any other way because this is the time of year that you not only get your quality time but quantity. This is it, all day every day. Well we had a fun summer. We bought a house in may and it came with a big back yard, a big patio, and a SWIMMING POOL….YEA!!!! We were all set for summer. My youngest daughter (Bee) spent every other week with her daddy so she wasn’t here as much, unfortunately. But my oldest daughter (Bug) and I hung out all summer long. We hung out by the pool. We went shopping. We went to the movies. We had great fun. When Bee WAS here she went with us. Soon the weeks had drifted by and it was getting time for school to start again. We bought all the supplies, got all the uniforms ready. Then the big day came, the 1st day of school. Oh the girls were so excited. I was excited for them. Bee was going to have the same teacher again this year. Bug was getting a new teacher. They were looking forward to so much. That morning was a whirlwind of excitement getting everyone in their rightful places. Then it was time to leave them.
Somewhere in the back of my mind the wheels were turning telling me to keep moving, not to think about what was happening. I left and went for a walk. When the walk was over I ran a few errands. That didn’t last long either. Within a few hours of leaving them I was walking in the front door at home. I sat down at the computer and it hit me. The silence in the house was earth shattering. The loneliness quickly moved in where just this morning excitement had been. I tried to find something to occupy my mind. I got online and chatted with my support group. This definitely helped but the loneliness still lingered. I got busy cleaning the house, but you can only clean a house so much. Finally it was time to go meet the girls at the bus stop. They were so excited to tell me all about their day. The next day when I dropped them off I went for my walk again and then I went home determined not to mope. I spent some time on the compute straightened the house a little, watched some movies, anything to keep my mind working. The point is I stayed busy, but I still felt that loneliness in my heart.
I felt like I was spending my days looking for something that couldn’t be found. And when they would come home in the evening I was fine. I felt this way when they first started having visitation with their fathers too because I had never been away from them before. My bond is very strong with them. We are very close. When the girls went back to school I felt like I had lost a part of me, like I had misplaced a piece of my heart. Then it didn’t help that it was also the weekend for them to go visit their daddys. So not only had they been gone to school all day thru the week but on Friday they left for their daddys’ houses until Sunday. I was absolutely miserable. I moped around. I slept a lot. Again I tried to stay busy and not think about it but it’s hard to not think about being alone when you’re the only one in the house. Its kind of a reminder. Then in my online support group Saturday one of my friends said I was looking at this all wrong. This was my time to do things for me, things I couldn’t normally do when the girls were around. And that’s what I did. I went and got take out from my favorite Italian restaurant that the girls hate eating at. I watched movies that the girls hate that I watch over and over again. It was a great Saturday evening. I woke up in a great mood Sunday. Since the beginning after I first had trouble with the girls being gone to their daddys I’ve always tried to look at it as my time to do “my things” and that is what has always gotten me thru. I guess just spending so much time with them over the summer I forgot what it was like to have my time to do “my things”. I just needed to be reminded. Now it’s a brand new week. The girls are in school and I have been enjoying my time doing things that I need and want to do. I’m back on track. So if you find yourself hitting a downward slump because your left home alone remember to always turn to those who support you whether it is friends, family or your support group. It’s a good idea to keep yourself busy, Idle hands make time for too much thought. And alone time is not always a bad thing. Everyone needs some alone time for “me time”. ~Angel