As most of you already know, I am going through the unfortunate process of divorce. Through this journey, I’ve gathered a bit of questions. I don’t intend to burden you with them all just yet, but I am curious about a few things.
Number One!
If you’ve been through a divorce, do you ever get that feeling that people who find out you have BP will automatically blame the whole thing on you and your illness? I mean, I KNOW that my illness has nothing to do with the break down of my marriage, but I still can’t wonder if other people think that.
Number Two!
Though I’m not really sure I’m ready to enter the whole “dating scene”, I have worries about when I do. I mean coming out of the bipolar closet to someone you just met an potentially like is a frightening task. How would one even go about that? Especially when you’re me and you run a whole freaking site (and you are insanely proud of it) that is focused on this illness. Just saying …
*Tiny Prayer* Dear Lord, Please bring me a boy who already knows about bipolar and DOES NOT judge. Cuz that would be sort of awesome! Thanks, Me. *Tiny Prayer over*
Number Three!
Again, although I KNOW my illness was not the cause for my husband and I separating, if you’ve been through this, do you ever feel that guilty feeling in the pit of your stomach that maybe, indirectly, bipolar was the cause? I mean, I KNOW it wasn’t … but I suppose a tiny little piece of me (kinda like the size of a flea … those little buggers are nasty!) will always be suspicious!
Ok, I’m fully aware that all these questions are insanely ridiculous. But I had to throw them out there.
Love you guys!!!
Do you have a question that needs answering? Click here to submit...
Nikki
January 8, 2011
11:37 am
MB-Let me tell you from my experience, BP gets blamed not only by everyone else, but even my soon to be exhubby I KNOW there’s a multifaceted complex answer to it. But it seems simpler to everyone else to just blame the BP. And yes, there are days when that flea sized pit is loud enough to drown out common sense. I look at it this way. I am so much more than my BP. It took so much more than BP to destroy my marriage. Although, the BP certainly didn’t help. As far as dating, I’m outspoken with everything in life, which scares boys. BP is going to be no different. If he cannot accept that, he cannot accept me and is not for me, Keep moving As this point, I’d rather deal with the struggles and ins and outs of BP with myself, than drag some unwilling participant into the mix Just my two cents.
Reply
Catherine
January 8, 2011
5:47 pm
My BP is blamed for just about anything & everything by my ex and some others!
Reply
Shari
January 8, 2011
6:05 pm
In 2004 my husband blamed all of the problems we were having on my BDO. We were separated for several months when he decided that maybe I wasn’t the whole problem. We are still together today, but it took a long time for me to trust him again. Unfortunately, BDO gets blamed for a lot of crap that happens when in reality, it’s the people. Not a disease.
Reply
Karin
January 9, 2011
7:52 am
I broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. And even though he´s an alkoholic and drinks everyday he blamed me for all the bad things. Well you have your diagnos he said, end of story. Ok I got very angry, upset and sad everytime he broke a promise, didn´t listen when I tryed to tell him what I needed in order to keep my calm and balance, no no, he went on doing his thing as if I was just a backpack.
Reply
Carol
January 9, 2011
7:33 pm
Dear One,
Stop blaming yourself. Every single one of us brings baggage of some kind into every relationship we have. There is NO normal out there. It takes two to marry anf two to divorce. I have been married and divorced twice to the same man. Ridiculous, yes? But love is just two people trying their best to cope with life. Sometimes it just won’t work.
As a mom of a young woman with BPII, I know tha when she is on her meds she is well. And, after many years of therapy, she knows her own triggers. So when her relationships don’t last (just boyfriends) I chalk it up to she is learning what she needs and who she is…
But the one thing that you mentioned about dating is very true. The stigma still exists. I would be cautious when revealing your BPD to anyone until you have been around the person long enough to know his values. IS he fair? Ignorant? How does he react to the idea of mental illness in general?
In closing, know what you are worth and don’t settle. Look forward to better days ahead!
Reply